


Fate Wove The Ties That Bind Us

by lyrical_pen



Series: Winchester/Chambers stories [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Chick-Flick Moments, Dean Winchester Has a Chick-Flick Moment, Destiny, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/M, Fate, Fluff, Free Will, Heartache, Heartbroken Dean Winchester, Humor, Love, Mild Sexual Content, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Romance, Sad Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:54:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28636584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyrical_pen/pseuds/lyrical_pen
Summary: Fourth story in this series. Things keep going wrong, the Apocalypse is basically in mid-swing, and after one difficult night, Dean turns to one person he knows he will come through for him when he's torn up inside over all it - Manda Chambers, the female hunter he still loves. But Dean reaching out is going to come at a cost to both of them this time. There will be a price to pay, a choice to make, sacrifices neither saw coming, and a whole lot of heartache for the two hunters that never quite caught a break in being together and still couldn't quite stay apart whether it was possibly out of love or fate as they might just find out the reason why they met in what could just be their ultimate end.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Winchester/Chambers stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2083227
Comments: 10
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story idea came about after watching the "Abandon All Hope" episode. So I ran with it even when a fourth story between Dean and Manda was never intended and the third was nowhere near finished. Obviously, if you've read what little was written of the third before jumping to this one, Dean and Manda didn't stay together.  
> Anyhow, this one was written back in 2010, and most of it was actually laid out and written then aside from one chapter I could not seem to get right. (Currently working on it to get this finally done so many years later!) Like all the others, it will have some slight editing and a tiny name change that seems to work better in moving it over from fanfiction.net to here.  
> Set in season 5.  
> Disclaimer: Always goes without saying that Sam and Dean Winchester, and any of the other actual reoccuring show characters are not mine. Only hope I've done right by them when writing them in these written for just for fun fanfic stories.

Staring at the empty table in Bobby's kitchen from the desk where he was sitting, Dean envisioned Ellen and Jo just as they had been when they'd sat there only a few days earlier. He blinked, knowing it was wishful thinking, and just like that – they were gone.  
Not that he could forget that they would never actually be there again.  
Ellen and Jo Harvelle were dead.  
Getting up, Dean walked over to the fridge with the intent of pulling out a beer but stopped as he approached. The memory of him and Jo right there two nights ago took hold of his mind.  
_Sorry, Jo_ , he apologized silently as he remembered another moment – the one of their goodbye.  
He opened the fridge door and pulled out another beer, the memory of seeing Jo dying before him still fresh in his mind.  
Jo was a girl he'd connected with but had never actually had. And now he never would. She'd been ripped open by a hellhound while saving him from again meeting that same fate, and then she and her mom had gone out the hunter way - blasting those damned creatures back to hell in order to buy him and Sam a chance to get away so they could attempt to stop Lucifer with the Colt.  
Needless to say that with their luck the attempt had failed, Lucifer was still topside and looking to wear Sam like a glove, and Ellen and Jo had become more names added to his increasingly guilty conscience.  
And now the pain felt from losing Jo, a girl he might have loved if they would have ever taken the chance to try, was weighing heavily on Dean's mind and heart.  
How many more people would die because of him and Sam? How many more of the few people left that he cared about would he lose before he wound up dead himself?  
Once again he was wondering why he continued to fight what he was sinking in, because he couldn't take much more. He kept pushing on because that was the Winchester way, but he was tired of it. Just sick and tired of always having to keep going and fighting no matter what happened, no matter of the cost. The costs had always been high and hurtful, but now they were prices he could no longer afford to keep paying.  
One person drifted to the surface of his mind then. It was probably wrong to think of her, but he wanted to see her now. Actually, he needed to see her. The previous few days events just reinforced something he already knew – another chance might not exist soon enough.  
Picking up his phone, Dean held it in his hand for a moment. The reluctance was there, but so was his need. And need was winning out even when it wasn't easy to do this.  
Using his thumb to browse through the contacts in his phone to get to the one he wanted, it wasn't hard to notice the list was growing shorter as time went on.  
_Manda_  
The highlighted name stared at him.  
Manda Chambers was a girl he loved but had let go, and she was still someone who would come running at the sound of his voice now.  
_I cared about Ellen and Jo, maybe loved Jo a little bit even, but if it had been Manda…almost lost her once, don't want to again either… but it'll happen soon._  
Quickly glancing around to make sure Sam wasn't within hearing distance; Dean noticed he was still alone.  
Bobby had gone to sleep in the library an hour ago, and Sam had muttered something about using Bobby's washing machine, so no one was going to overhear his call. Not that it mattered much in the first place. But Bobby and Sam would each raise a brow at him over calling Manda, and then they'd know he was worse off than he was willing to admit.  
Looking at his watch, Dean knew it was late, but that had never meant much before. It was long days and late nights for all of them, and Manda was bound to be awake and working a job somewhere.  
Hitting the button to call her, Dean sighed once the phone rang a few times.  
Hearing the vibrating buzz coming from a night stand, Manda's hand shot of bed and fumbled around to reach her phone. Looking at the illuminated screen in the dark once it was in her hand, she saw one name she somewhat wasn't expecting but somehow had known it would be.  
The ringing continued and Dean was about to hang up when he heard a voice that wasn't recorded as a greeting or a voicemail message like it had been over the past few months.  
"If it isn't my favourite Winchester," Manda uttered with a bit of sweet sleepy tone in her voice, unable to hold it back.  
God, he'd missed her voice. Missed hearing the softness it held when she spoke to him, but he heard the sleepiness in it too. "How's it going, Chambers?" he asked, finding a bit of their old rhythm easily coming back into play.  
"Business is booming, but you know that," she chuckled wryly, rubbing her tired eyes. "What's up?"  
Dean hesitated to say. She had known Ellen and Jo too, but a little chitchat was easier than being the bearer of bad news right off the bat, especially when he knew his call had awakened her from the luxury of sleep. "Been awhile…" he quietly spoke.  
Sitting up in a lumpy hotel bed, Manda reached out and clicked on the light, taking note of the time. It was after one a.m., and that meant she'd barely gotten much sleep since she'd checked in two hours earlier. "It has… So is this the late night been awhile and want to see you kinda call, or are we talking the bad news, need a favour variety?"  
Rubbing his hand into the back of his neck, Dean knew what she was getting at. It was late and it had been quite a while since they'd manage to speak to each other. He fell silent, not sure how to just tell her about the recent events or to ask her to meet up.  
"Okay, if you want to play the horror movie breathing into the phone game, can we do it when I'm not trying to catch a handful of sleeping hours for the first time in a few days?"  
She sounded a bit bitchy, but he had woken her. It was best to break the bad news now. "It's the bad news call. Hear about the Harvelles yet?"  
Manda hadn't heard anything, but it wasn't hard to figure out. Two more hunters had obviously been added to the list of fallen ones she'd known. It had been some years since she'd seen either of them, but Ellen had been a family friend once upon a time, and she'd played with Jo when they'd been kids and the Chambers family had passed through Harvelle's Roadhouse on more than one occasion. "Damn it, not Ellen and Jo," she sighed. "Sorry to hear it, Dean. You all right?"  
There was silence from Dean's end as he sat there thinking. He didn't want to flat out ask, but he needed to see Manda, hell, he was aching to be around her for a bit now. _C'mon on, do that thing where you just know what I need._  
"Dean?"  
"Still here," he responded, drawing out a deep breath. "You workin' a job?"  
It was now there in his voice for her to hear. He wanted to know where she was and if she'd come meet up with him. She hadn't heard that tone in a couple months. "Was heading to a possible one in a few more hours, but where am I heading now that you're not asking to meet up?"  
Dean found himself chuckling despite his sullen mood. Just as he'd thought, even over the phone, Manda was still good at reading him. "Bobby's."  
She almost smiled, because she was heading there first anyway. The hunters were all keeping tighter tabs on each other these days, and Bobby was still a hell of a hunter, an old family friend, and she always tried to visit him when passing through South Dakota. "Must be kismet. I was set to barrel through there in the afternoon, planned on dropping in too."  
_How is it we're always somewhat close by when one of us calls the other like this?_ Dean thought, finding it weird, but then shrugged it off. It was just how they were, and he couldn't help but grin just a bit. "Must be."  
"Guess I'll see you later then… unless there's something else?" She paused, waiting for him to say something more, but he didn't. "Okay, get some rest, Dean. We'll talk after."  
"Thanks, Manda."  
The call disconnected, Dean put his phone on the table and rubbed a hand over his face. Sleep sounded like a good idea, not that he'd get much of it with how he felt though.  
"Manda? Now there's a name I haven't heard outta you in a while," Sam said curiously, walking into the kitchen and heading straight for the coffee pot.  
"Yeah, well… consider it a heads up. She's stopping by in the afternoon."  
Surprise registered on Sam's face. He knew Dean was torn up over Jo and Ellen, but if he'd reached out to Manda, there had to be more going on with his brother that he wasn't showing. "Sure that's a good idea?"  
"Nothing's been a good idea lately," Dean retorted. _Lately, ever… what's the difference anymore?_  
Sam poured a cup of coffee, hesitating to say something at first. "No, guess not… So, been some time since you've seen her. Not since…" he stopped, trying to figure out when that was.  
"Only been a couple months. We ran into each other when you were off on your own." That wasn't entirely true. But Sam didn't need to know he had called her back then just like he had now, knowing he needed her, if not for the company, but also for the comfort she offered. Fortunately for him, she'd come through then and was going to this time too.  
This was news to Sam, and he hid the shock from registering this time, wondering if it was really a matter of them running into each other or if his brother had called her then too. "And?"  
"And nothing." Dean didn't want to talk about, didn't want to admit that he'd been with her for a few days, and that once again it had hurt both of them when those days were up. "We had a good time. She went her way, I went mine. End of story."  
Sam scoffed. He didn't understand it at all. The two hunters loved each other, had gone through some rough things together, but for some reason they just wouldn't stay together. "Don't know why. Manda's always been good for you, Dean."  
_You have no idea how good, and that's why we're not together._ "Maybe that's the problem."  
"Then why'd you call her?"  
Dean didn't answer. The answer to that question was complicated and yet, simple - because he loved her, always would too. His brother had to have known that by now.  
"Think the end of the world would straighten you two out," Sam muttered. And it was true. Time was running out with the Apocalypse in mid-swing. Hunting was getting more dangerous than it ever had been. It would only be a matter of time before Dean got the news Manda was dead or vice versa.  
So even though there wasn't time, there still seemed to be no better one for them to work it out. Their lives were messy and complicated, and Sam understood that, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized they were just afraid to cause each other more pain, and being together would cause a mountain of it.  
Losing the other would be a crushing blow to one of them. He knew it as he looked at his older brother. Dean would hide the mess it turned him into and then never be the same if he lost her, and Sam knew Manda would never be able to survive losing Dean, it would destroy her completely. So they'd let each other go, and that seemed to be the best thing for both of them to do.  
But, it was curious that no matter how long they tried to stay apart, something had brought them back together for a little while more than once now, and Sam was sure that it was none other than a four letter word that was difficult for the older Winchester and the female hunter – love.  
Looking at Sam with a funny expression, one that clearly stated his brother had to be kidding, Dean snorted. "Gonna take more than that, Sammy."  
He walked out of the kitchen then, knowing it was time to end the conversation and time to get some sleep.

[ - ]

Putting her cell phone back on the night table and clicking out the light, Manda lied back down knowing it would take some time to fall asleep again. Maybe if the call had been from anyone else, about anything else, she would've been sound asleep by the time her head hit the pillow - but it hadn't been.  
The news about Ellen and Jo's demise was one thing, but the call's undertone and what Dean hadn't exactly said was another.  
He hadn't joked, hadn't made one smart-ass remark, in truth he hadn't even given her any real details or said much at all.  
Whatever had happened now must have been beyond the usual range of bad, but whether it was the loss of the Harvelles or something else, Manda couldn't be sure what had Dean out of sorts. All she knew was that while he hadn't said it, he needed her.  
They hadn't talked much in the last few months, but it was no secret the guy was drowning. Stuck smack dab in the middle of a war between angels and demons, both sides had started closing in on Dean once the Apocalypse had begun. He was struggling with the weight of the world on his shoulders, determined not to give in to what was wanted from him, or, what was supposed to be his fate – playing host to Michael for the angel's dream team to defeat Lucifer. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Lucifer's vessel turned out to be none other than Sam. Damned and holy brothers wanted a fight, and they were going to drag two very human brothers into the ring with them to carry it out if they got their way.  
Manda's mind had barely been able to wrap around it when she'd heard about everything, and she had no idea how Dean coped with it, or how Sam did either. They just seemed to keep going on about doing things their own way, looking for some other way out, but it was questionable if that would be enough. She wanted to believe the Winchester brothers would find a way to stop the Apocalypse before it escalated to a level no one wanted it to reach more than they did themselves, but that was an impossible burden to bear. One that was clearly tearing them apart a little more as time went on and the weight on their shoulders got heavier.  
Now Dean had just lost two more of the few people left he cared about, and she had heard how weary he sounded. His call had been made out of need, a need for someone who understood what he was up against and didn't answer to the name of Sam, or Bobby for that matter. While he'd be more likely to call for a favour or a random hook up, this was about more than having a familiar warm body next to him for a night or two. So much like he had when he and Sam had stopped hunting together for a short time a few months earlier, Dean had called her once again knowing she would be there for him in whatever way he needed. Because despite months apart, handfuls of one night stands, and miles of road between them, there was still a bunch of feelings that ran too deep and couldn't be denied. It was the root cause for why they continued to drift in and out of the other's life this way.  
But even while the time together was never enough, it had to suffice when anything more than a few days here and there wasn't realistic. They had tried to date once or twice, have as normal of a relationship as they could, but the timing of it was completely all wrong. There wasn't much room to have a relationship with everything going on, and neither wanted to watch the other get hurt or die, so she had gone her way, he had gone his, and they didn't think too much about it. Well, maybe Dean didn't, but Manda knew she did.  
In the dead of night, like right now, her mind often wandered to Dean Winchester because she still loved him, always would too. In another life or some other time, she knew they'd work it all out, be together the way they should be, but in this life and time – they were who they were, and it meant they just weren't able to be together for anything that would last.  
Sighing deeply then as she lay there in thought, Manda caught sight of time on the digital alarm clock.  
_1:53 am_  
The glowing red numbers on the alarm clock mockingly stared at her. There was too much on her mind and now sleep seemed even less likely to happen than it had with the first attempt almost three hours earlier.  
Hunting had gotten tougher since the Apocalypse had started, and there had been a long string of back-to-back crappier than usual jobs to work over the last few months, so Manda had completely neglected to put any thought into a day that had somewhat crept on her for how busy she'd been.  
Today was her birthday.  
Not that it mattered too much to the female hunter. Birthdays had never been a big deal, even less so after losing her family and having been on her own ever since. So, the day was usually spent working a case or marking the occasion with a few drinks in a bar or a hotel room, but having almost died earlier in the year, and willing to bet she wouldn't live to see twenty-nine with the end of the world in play, Manda Chambers felt like her twenty-eighth birthday would probably be the last one she would get to have.  
There'd been no time to make any sort of plans, but during the fourteen hour drive yesterday, she'd briefly thought about calling Dean to see if they could meet up. That seemed out once realizing her cell phone had died and the car charger was nowhere to be found. So she had settled on the idea of sharing a drink with an old friend instead, knowing Bobby Singer was on the way to the next gig she had lined up. That's why she'd been headed there before Dean's call.  
Maybe it was luck, or maybe it really was kismet, but regardless of the reasons, Manda was now getting to see Dean like part of her had wanted to.  
And while he'd probably forgotten he knew today was her birthday, she hadn't expected him to remember anyway, especially when she almost hadn't herself. Though, because of his call and the news about the Harvelles, she wouldn't bring it up either. There'd be no mention or fuss, just a few drinks shared with the three male hunters currently at Bobby's, and a night spent with one that needed her again.  
_Happy Birthday, Chambers… you damned fool_ , she thought as she climbed out of bed, unable to pretend sleeping was an option any longer.  
Another hour had come and gone with the tossing and turning and thinking, and she was now awake and alert. While a bit more rest would have been welcomed, there'd be time to get some decent sleep by the end of the day. Right now she planned to shower, get dressed, make some coffee to go, and then be on her way to somewhere she actually wanted to be today – in the company of good friends, and with the one man who would always have a strong hold on her.  
There wasn't much more the female hunter could ask for, because if this did turn out to be her last birthday, Manda couldn't think of a much better way to spend it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism welcome if you're reading, or let me know if I'm doing something wrong with writing these stories the way I have.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While Bobby Singer is not my character, I do hope that I did try to keep him in line with how I wrote him.  
> So reunion time. Dean's still not himself, Sam (I find him a little hard to write and only hope I'm not butchering his character. Can you tell?) is pretty much the usual, now enter Bobby who may have some choice words about this rendezvous at his house, and let's not forget nobody might realize it's Manda's birthday... so let's get to it. Enjoy!

It was nearing the afternoon and Dean was moving a few things around outside for Bobby.  
Sam and Bobby were inside searching for omens that could begin popping up now that Lucifer had raised the next horseman, Death. Scouring the internet and hitting the books hadn't been his choice, and after awhile he'd left them to do it minus his help. He wasn't in the mood to wonder or learn what else could and would go wrong next. Enough had gone wrong the past few days, or, as Dean knew it – enough had gone wrong for pretty much his whole life.  
So, figuring he'd make himself useful, and because he needed no reminding there were some things Bobby couldn't do anymore now that he was in the wheelchair, he had asked if there was anything that needed to be done around the salvage yard. The older hunter had given him a long, peculiar look and shot a few sarcastic quips at him, but in the end he'd probably known Dean needed the distraction and muttered off a list of things that needed doing.  
Now he'd done some of them, working to lose himself in the tasks at hand while trying to push everything out of his mind. And when that failed to work, he started hammering away on a few beat up old cars with a crowbar, attempting to work out his guilt, frustration, anger, doubts, and fears.  
Dean was sinking faster than he wanted to admit and believe, barely swimming in the mess that was his life these days. Hitting something helped release some of the pain that came from every single thing that was weighing him down, but not nearly enough as it should have.  
It took ten minutes before he gave up, leaning against one of the cars as his thoughts and downcast mood won out again. He just needed to forget for a little. Just forget everything that was going on, what had gone on, what would go on. Forget who he was and the continuous and increasing burden on his shoulders.  
A glance then at his watch reminded him Manda was due to arrive in the next few hours.  
One look at him and she'd know he wasn't himself, that he was barely hanging on right now.  
For a second he thought about calling her to say forget it, but he needed some time with her now more than he had when he continued hunting on his own without Sam just a few months earlier. Even if he'd be worse off when the time was up because letting her go would once again leave him with an empty feeling and yearning for a different life, the time together always outweighed the time apart.  
Surveying the damage he'd done, Dean shook his head and decided to get back to finishing up what was left to do.  
A short while later, managing to quiet some of the noise in his head just a bit, he barely heard the approaching car or its distinct purr he'd once gotten to know almost as well as the Impala's.

[ - ]

Sipping what was left of a lukewarm coffee she'd stopped to get half an hour earlier, Manda pulled her car into Bobby's. Driving past part of the yard and getting closer towards the house, she parked near Dean's car and just sat behind the wheel for a moment.  
Catching a glimpse of Dean through her windshield then, her lips curled in a small smile. But when he didn't turn around, it struck her as odd and the smile gave way to a puzzled look.  
Her Chevelle roared like the classic that it was, even sounded a little louder and rougher for the past few days, so he must have heard it. But maybe he hadn't. It was clear the invisible load sitting on Dean's shoulders was heavier than usual as she watched him for a few more seconds before finally deciding to get out of the car.  
Hearing the creak of a car door's hinge then, Dean knew then that even if he was out of it, he wasn't actually out of it. Years of enforced training still kept his senses alert even when he wasn't, and he had heard Manda's car without really registering it at first. Now he knew for sure that she was here.  
Being near the house and wiping his grimy hands on a rag, he knew she'd see him and make her way over, so he didn't bother to turn around and greet her upon hearing her soft footsteps getting closer.  
"Now that's a sight for sore and tired eyes," Manda playfully uttered, walking towards him. Admiring the view that was Dean from behind in jeans and dark blue long-sleeved shirt, she let out a low whistle. _Mmm, Happy Birthday to me!_  
Turning around, Dean couldn't help but smirk. Looking as good as he remembered, maybe even better in tight jeans, an undone black military style jacket over a light brown shirt, Manda's grin was wide as he met her eyes. "You're one to talk."  
She didn't give a crap who saw them now, just embraced him in a warm hug. "Hey," she said softly, brushing her lips against his cheek.  
Putting his arms around her, Dean realized how much he had missed her since the last time they'd seen each other and how good it was to now. Tightening his arms just a bit more, he closed his eyes and took in the comfort being around her offered him. "Hey."  
Stepping back after a moment, Manda wondered why he'd held on a little too long, a little too tight. But it had only reminded her how easy it was to fall back into his arms again. And she would again. Truth was she always would. Dean was always going to be the man for her, and had become her biggest weakness. "How you holding up?"  
"I'm fine," he lied. "Just tired." He knew she would understand he meant he was tired of this war, tired of losing people, tired of being him.  
Searching his face, it was clear fine wasn't the truth. But if Dean wanted to talk, he'd do it when he was good and ready. "You and me both, sweetie."  
They both fell silent, standing there just studying each other. Dean seeing she was almost as worn out as he was, and Manda seeing exactly what he thought he was hiding – he was breaking.  
"Well, look what the cat dragged in… or did this idjit just call you out here?" Bobby's voice flooded from the front of the house, breaking the silence.  
Manda chuckled, letting her eyes drift towards the door of the house. "Bobby," she said warmly, and with a hint of a warning. "You know my folks raised me to always stop in when passing through."  
Dean glared at Bobby. He should have known the older hunter wouldn't miss a beat.  
"You two finished getting all goo-goo eyed at each other yet?" Bobby gave them an inquisitive stare. "'Cause all your sexual tension gets uncomfortable for me and Sam. So get inside when you're done gazing at each other like two kids with keys to a hotel room on prom night." He wheeled away before either could retort with some smartass remark he didn't want to hear.  
Dean and Manda had looked at him with comical expressions but both held a brief look of guilt.  
Were they that obvious or was it just that Bobby knew how they felt? It was no secret how the feelings they kept locked up tight became unleashed each time they were around each other.  
"Well… I'll shut him up. Brought a little something to make sure of it," Manda lightly chortled, heading for the door.  
Dean felt at ease now that she ignored bringing up anything else. Manda wasn't likely to pry, she knew better. "What's that?" he questioned, following her inside and taking a good look at her from behind. _The other reason I called her…looking forward to the one-on-one later._  
She stopped before going inside and turned to look at Dean with a sly grin. "A visit from three bottles of my dear friends that sit on the top shelf is on the menu tonight."  
Dean's mouth threatened to salivate at the thought. It wasn't often he ended up with great booze and a great woman, but he couldn't help but wonder why she'd brought three bottles of the good stuff. "What's with the expensive threesome, Chambers?" he curiously inquired.  
"Nothing," she lied. "I was bringing one. The other two you have a jackass who didn't believe I could clear a pool table four times in a row to thank for."  
Her eyes seemed to betray her for a brief second, and he figured she was holding back on something. "Well, thank you, jackass… but you're sure that's all?"  
Manda's smile was reassuring. "Don't know about you, but I'll take any excuse to enjoy a few of the finer things before time runs out on doing so."  
Knowing she meant more than just the alcohol, Dean accepted her answer with a simple nod. "That works for me."  
She went to turn again to go inside, but then hesitated. "Oh, I was gonna get Bobby to have a listen to my wheels, but since you're here, you mind having a look? She started making this new noise a few days ago, gave me a little trouble this morning, and I got her going and here, but she needs some tuning that goes beyond my mechanical skills."  
"She does sound off," he replied. "I'll pop her hood in a bit, see what I can do."  
Manda smirked. "Thanks, but careful… that sounds a little like that sexual tension Bobby was referring to."  
"He'll get over it." Cracking his own grin then, Dean was glad he had called her. Wasn't even sure why for a moment he'd doubted it as she gingerly caressed his cheek and whispered, "Missed you, Dean," before going inside.

[ - ]

Hours later, Dean had Manda's car running smoothly, Bobby and Sam had put together a string of omen's and a set of cases for Sam and Dean to pick from, and Manda had spent some time with all of them and hearing mostly about what had happened with Ellen and Jo from Sam.  
Now it was the early evening, they were taking it easy around Bobby's house, and the drinks were flowing between them.  
Sam had Manda talking about the hunts she'd taken on lately to see what she'd been dealing with. Dean was being somewhat quiet, keeping to himself and listening in, and Bobby was left wondering why the female hunter was there.  
Not that Bobby minded she'd shown up. He'd known her family a little longer than he'd known the Winchesters. Her family had been fellow hunters and friends, and he'd known the girl from the time she'd barely been talking. But unlike John with his boys, Daniel and Margaret Chambers had never dropped their daughter off for days or weeks at a time. Manda had always been shuffled between her parents, uncle, or grandparents until she'd been old enough to go along on hunts, and he'd only seen her when they had passed through much like she was now. But since losing her family, she continued to stop in and visit, requested his help from time to time, and had even helped him out a couple of times too.  
Sitting near his desk in his wheelchair, Bobby looked over at the three younger hunters and couldn't believe he'd watched them grow up over the years, or how he'd become more of a father figure and had helped straighten them all out more than a few times. Each had seen more than their fair share of trouble, and it wasn't over with just yet.  
Thinking about it now, it was obvious to him why Dean and Manda had ended up together a few times. He knew about their disastrous attempt to date, and while not too keen on being host to it, he also knew they'd wind up together again once he and Sam knocked off for the night. As much as they tried to hide it, those two kids definitely loved each other, and if anyone asked him, they were pretty much made for each other, right down to the stubbornness that kept them apart.  
"Whatcha thinkin' about, Bobby?" Dean asked as he approached with a beer in each hand. The older hunter had a faraway look that was hard to read.  
"Nothin'. Give me one of those and go hit on your girl." He swiped the bottle Dean held out to him then.  
"Not my girl. Hasn't been for months," Dean grunted with some annoyance. He didn't need reminding.  
"Who are you tryin' to kid here?" Bobby shot back before taking a long sip from the beer bottle. He looked from Dean to the female hunter sitting at the kitchen table, and tipped his beer in her direction. "Manda's been through almost as much as you and Sam. Her parents were good folks even if they started training her as soon as she could walk… turned her into a fine hunter though. She might be a helluva lot like you, damn stubborn and a pain in the ass most of the time, but that's a good woman there, Dean. You know it, and you know she's still your girl even when she's not."  
"Think you've had too much to drink if those are words of wisdom," Dean chuckled, but just barely before he took a healthy sip of his beer. Bobby had made a point. But once again, he didn't need reminding.  
"Not nearly enough," Bobby sarcastically shot back. "It's just… look, a hunter lives to be my age, ends up like me… gets you thinking about things before the world goes completely to Hell. Didn't get to have much of what matters most in life, and won't be leaving too much behind when it's time either." This admission was a slip on his behalf, but he was saying what he had to, and now it was too late to take it back.  
Bobby had to be somewhat drunk, and was still clearly torn up in his own way over Ellen and Jo, but Dean nodded in agreement. "I know."  
And he did know. At thirty years old, Dean knew he wasn't leaving much behind when he finally checked out for good. A car, some clothes, weapons, and maybe a brother would be all that was left once he died. More and more these days it weighed deeply on his mind, much like it had after he'd sold his soul in exchange for Sam's life. But what he'd always wanted most just wasn't meant to be part of his life, and it wasn't like it ever would be now. It was for the best anyway, because if he couldn't stop Lucifer, and he probably wouldn't… well, there wouldn't be much of a world to leave anyone or anything to.  
"Bobby, Dean… we're toasting with the good stuff," Manda called out then, pouring a round of shots. "Now get your handsome selves over here."  
"Don't get them started," Sam scoffed. Handsome wasn't the word he would have used to describe either one.  
"Handsome? Now I know you're not talkin' about Dean, but what is there to toast?" Bobby asked, wheeling over to his kitchen table where Sam and Manda were.  
"I'm handsome!" Dean exclaimed with irritation as he made his way over and sat next to Sam. "But really, what's there to toast?"  
"Friends and family," Manda stated. It was tradition for her. Every year on her birthday she raised a glass to those who hadn't lived to see another year. "Ellen, Jo, and everyone else we've known and loved who's died in this glamorous hunter lifestyle. So raise 'em, gentlemen."  
"Good enough for me," Bobby said, picking up his glass and holding it out near Manda's. A memory of sharing a drink with her father around this time of year a long time ago dawned on him then, and he realized what today was for her. _It's her birthday, and that genius there seems to have forgotten, and she's not saying a damn word about it either because of everything… guess it's up to me_ , he thought, looking at both of them again.  
Sam followed by putting his glass out. "And me."  
Dean was reluctant, but then held out his own shot glass since they were waiting on him. Having just been reminded that once again he'd cost two more people their lives, the guilt was hitting hard once more.  
"To everyone we've lost… and will lose sooner or later." It was a depressing toast to give, but Manda still did it, and let her glass clink against the other three as her gaze settled on Dean. She gave him a sympathetic look upon seeing pain flutter behind his eyes.  
Sam and Bobby looked at her funny while Dean looked away before everyone downed their shots.  
"Well, that sounded more like an omen for bad news," Bobby gruffly muttered. "Now that's outta the way, you better fill another round. Thinking I wouldn't remember just because one of these idjits didn't. Daniel had me track down a few of those charms for that bracelet you had growing up. Happy Birthday, princess."  
Manda's eyes misted over briefly, remembering how her dad had given her a charm each year on her birthday for the bracelet he'd sworn would protect her. It'd now been eleven years since the last charm, and almost two months after it, she took that same bracelet off the day she put her parents' ashes in the ground.  
"Should've known you'd remember. Thanks, you old softie," she said with a somewhat sad grin, standing, and leaning over to peck Bobby on the cheek.  
A look of deep guilt swept over Dean's face as he watched Bobby fake his annoyance by groaning and shooing Manda off with a hand to maintain his tough image and as she laughed deeply in return. He had completely forgotten today was her birthday. He'd only remembered the date after seeing it on her headstone earlier that year, and as it came to his mind then, he was reminded of how she had almost died back then. _Shit! Nice going, Winchester. You got all emo, called her out here for your sake, didn't remember her birthday… and she's fine with it, least she seems to be._  
"It's your birthday?" Sam asked in surprise, curiously looking at her. "You could have said something." He threw a strange sidelong glance at Dean, and then he banged his knee against his brother's under the table, because from the look on him, Dean hadn't remembered at all.  
"It's no big deal, Sam," she smiled reassuringly. "Just glad I've spent it with you guys in case it's the last one."  
Bowing his head a little, Dean felt like a bigger ass because he knew she meant it, and that the comment was directed more towards him.  
Sam got quiet. No one here needed to be reminded time was running out sooner or later.  
"Fill the glasses and do it right then," Bobby remarked, nodding towards the uncapped whiskey bottle.  
"Forget it, Singer. No one's in the celebrating mood, and all I wanted was a quiet drink or two in good company. Had a few drinks now and you three took care of the company, so that's done."  
Knowing she almost hadn't made it to this birthday, Dean wasn't letting her off the hook that easily as he fixed his eyes on to hers in that moment. "Just do it, Manda… like you said, might be the last one."  
Hearing the somewhat cajoling but commanding tone in Dean's voice, Sam and Bobby exchanged amused looks.  
Holding Dean's weirdly intense gaze, Manda found herself giving in with a small nod. He wasn't asking, and she couldn't argue with him. "Fine."  
Sam was already filling their glasses, knowing she would go along with it for Dean.  
"One drink… and then I don't want to hear another mention of it," Manda warned them with a hard tone and a serious look.  
"Atta girl," Bobby muttered, grabbing his shot glass.  
Sam smirked at her just a little as he tapped his glass against hers. "Happy Birthday, Manda."  
"Drink up, birthday girl." Dean winked at her, a small smile curling his lips as his glass clanked lightly with hers.  
Manda glanced at the hunters around her as they knocked back their shots, holding off on her own with the glass to her lips. _To another year… hope to God we all survive it_ , she thought, and then tipped the shot to run down her throat.  
But even seeing the somber looks that still lingered on all three men, she took some comfort in knowing that this was still the best birthday she'd had in a long time, and if she didn't make it to the next, at least she'd had this one.  
Watching her, Dean knew Manda was thinking about something right then. So maybe it was the booze in his system, or maybe it was just his feelings for her he buried deep down, but now he was ready to start making his move. "Looking a little done for, Chambers… are you drunk already?" he teased, raising a questionable brow with a naughty grin.  
Manda chuckled softly. Dean appeared to finally be lightening up, so she gave him a flirty look in return. "Nowhere near enough to sleep with you just yet, Winchester."  
Sam nearly spit out a mouthful of beer. He had almost forgotten how quick Manda was when she and Dean started flirting this way. They'd refrained from it so far, and it was hard not to notice how they hadn't really talked to each other all that much, so it was actually kind of a relief to see them engaging in it now.  
Bobby shot Dean a hard told-you-so look that also conveyed his thought – _not your girl, huh, kid?_  
"Don't look at me like that, she's kidding. She'll do that sober." A cocky smirk lit up Dean's face, knowing it was true.  
Looking sheepish and grinning, Manda reached for her half empty bottle of beer. "Hey… gotta do stupid things once in a while," she cracked with a laugh, tipping the bottle towards him before taking a swig.  
Sam let out a hearty guffaw, and Bobby smirked with a soft chuckle.  
Dean glowered at her for a moment, not sure how to respond. She was only kidding though. "Once in a while? Not how I remember it, sweetheart," he smirked sarcastically.  
"You two wanna make things official, just say the word. I'm sure me or Sam can handle doing those honours. From blessing holy water to exorcising demons, hitching you lovebirds should be a breeze." Bobby mustered up a serious look to pretend he wasn't kidding around.  
Laughing even louder, Sam quickly looked to see their reactions. "Dean has mentioned wanting the family thing a few times..."  
Looking anywhere but at each other, the smirks on Dean and Manda had disappeared. They both shifted uncomfortably in their seats, and neither had a word to say right then, because while settling down would never happen, both had dreamed about doing it with the other.  
Dean played with his beer bottle, and casually checked to see that Manda still in fact wore her mother's wedding ring on her right hand, which she nervously seemed to hide by rubbing her thumb over it then. Bobby and Sam didn't know her father's matching ring was still tucked away safely in one of the small boxes holding what few things he deemed important in the trunk of his car, or they'd be making this even worse right now. "Cute… but don't bother dusting off your bridesmaid dresses, Sam, Bobby… it's not happening."  
Manda threw back her head in laughter before shooting an impish grin at Dean. "Getting Dean down the aisle might be the job from Hell. Makes stopping Armageddon look like a walk in the park," she quipped.  
Bobby chuckled. "Might be right about that one."  
Sam finished rolling his eyes and laughed. "She's got a point."  
Shaking his head, Dean sarcastically grinned and stood up. "Glad you all know me so well."  
"Are you running off to cry?" Bobby asked, giving Dean a funny look.  
"No. Just taking my half of that tension outside," Dean joked as he went to grab another cold beer out of the fridge. "Wouldn't want it getting any more uncomfortable for you and Sam now," he said, walking away to leave.  
"Sounds like a cue from one half of the old married couple. Guess they need some alone time," Sam said, trying to keep a straight face. Dean was going to get annoyed a little more now.  
"Shut up, Sammy. I'm just getting some fresh air," Dean called out from near the front door.  
Once he heard the door close, Bobby looked at Manda. "So, you going after him or are we supposed to make ourselves scarce when he comes back?"  
Chuckling a little, Manda shook her head. "Neither. He didn't give me the look that implies a moonlit scrap yard stroll that ends in one of our backseats." She finished what was left of her beer as they laughed. "He'll come back when he's ready to talk or whatever. Until then, you're stuck with me, boys… so, who's in for another round?"


	3. Chapter 3

Two hours and a few more drinks later, it was just Sam and Manda who were still sitting around the kitchen table. Bobby had passed out awhile ago, and Dean had yet to come back inside.  
Poking his head out the door a little bit earlier on the way back from the bathroom, Sam had spotted Dean sitting on the hood of his car. Knowing Manda was right about Dean coming back in when he was ready, and that she'd deal with him and whatever mood he was in when he did, Sam had closed the door and decided to keep her company until then.  
The younger Winchester didn't think it was fair to leave Manda on her own just now, especially when his brother had called her out here, forgotten her birthday, and hadn't bothered to spend much time with her yet.  
Sam had to hand to her. She seemed fine with it, and given the way she and the older Winchester were with each other, she probably was. Still, he had caught her casually glimpsing towards the doorway every once in awhile as if she were hoping for the reappearance of Dean. He knew she was waiting on it, because he'd also noticed the way she eased up on drinking shortly after his brother had gone outside.  
Somewhat drunk now, feeling tired, and wondering when Dean was going to come back and claim Manda for the rest of the night, Sam noticed her eyes drifting to the doorway again, and then how the faint trace of disappointment registered in her. "Dean's just sitting out there… doubt he'd mind if you joined him."  
Manda looked at Sam awkwardly. He'd figured her out, but she wasn't giving in to the desire to go get Dean just yet. "Why? He'll wander in sooner or later. Don't feel like you have to babysit me until he does."  
Feeling a little sheepish, Sam smirked not only at the comment, but also at how much she sounded like his brother to him. "I'm not… but it is your birthday, and unlike Dean, I just thought you'd still want some company instead of being left alone on it."  
Maybe Sam was just being polite, but still touched by the consideration, she smiled. "There wasn't supposed to be another mention of that. But thanks, appreciate it."  
"Don't mention it." Sam grabbed the whiskey bottle, eying what remained in it. "So, how about another round or two?"  
Manda laughed. "Might as well…"  
Pouring their shots, Sam slid one in front of her when he was done.  
"No more celebrating," Manda smirked. "Just drink."  
Downing their shots quickly, both smacked their glasses on the table at the same time. Neither one noticed Dean was now standing in the doorway watching them.  
Having just walked in, Dean could faintly hear Bobby snoring now, and then headed straight for the voices coming from the kitchen. Sam was making sure Manda wasn't on her own, and seeing her with his brother, he felt a little more like an ass for having been outside when he should have been in here. It wasn't like he had set out to neglect Manda so far, but he had. The fresh air had done him some good though, and now he was ready to start making it and that little matter of forgetting her birthday up to her. He was pretty sure she wasn't too bothered by his behaviour, so now he just needed to get her alone.  
"You're way out of your league here, Sammy," he said with a smirk. "Better leave this one to me." He walked in and met Manda's questionable silent look. She wanted to know if he was ready to stick around now, and he let her know he was by sitting in the empty spot next to her.  
"Dude," Sam groaned, exasperated. "Is that the drinking or Manda you're talkin' about?"  
Manda shook her head, but grinned. "Play nice, boys," she teased.  
"Both." Dean shot Sam a look that told him to get lost now. "You're half in the tank or more, but she's not even close to that and neither am I."  
Dean's look was hard not to miss, and while Sam knew he should leave, a few more minutes wouldn't hurt. He thought it was only fair to keep Dean waiting now since he had vanished earlier. "Sure you got enough fresh air?"  
Seeing some slight tension rise in both brothers, Manda knew what she had to do. "Let's finish off that bottle, guys… one round left by the look of it."  
Grabbing the whiskey bottle and a shot glass, Dean said, "I got it."  
"One more, and then I think I'm done for the night," Sam murmured, catching another not so subtle look from Dean.  
Scoffing, Dean held back a pleased smirk as he poured the last shot into his own glass. "Suit yourself then, lightweight."  
Throwing back their shots, all three glasses hit in the table within seconds of each other.  
Getting comfortable, Dean let his outstretched knee touch Manda's leg and casually stretched one arm out to rest behind her.  
"Well… way to be subtle now that you're ready to spend time with me," Manda sarcastically joked. Dean really was anything but subtle sometimes, and this was one of them.  
"Don't need to be subtle, Chambers. Sam knows how this goes, so do you." Dean flashed his best charming grin and let his eyes tell her he'd make it up to her.  
Scrunching up his face with a sour look, Sam said, "And it's more than I want to." He stood up. "So, I'll leave you to it… she's all yours, Dean."  
"Thanks for keeping me company, Sam. It's rare I get to spend this day with such a handsome guy." Manda smiled up at him, knowing Dean was bound to get a bit riled up at the comment.  
Clearing his throat, Dean cocked his head in her direction. "Sure you're not drunk? You're looking at the wrong brother when you say that. The handsome one's sitting right next to you."  
"Says you." Sam grinned as he left them alone to engage in their flirty banter and end up in each other's arms like he knew they always had and would. Both clearly needed it too, so he was happy to head to bed now, leaving them to spend some quality time together.  
"Not a chance. Sam's the one who sat with me while you were out gazing at the stars. Nice night for it, Winchester?" Manda stacked some shot glasses together then, appearing as if she was annoyed when she wasn't. If Dean had wanted her with him earlier, she would have been out there.  
Her remark was snarky, but Dean knew he deserved it. "If that's your sorta thing… and don't pretend you're pissed. No one was stopping you from coming outside if you wanted my company."  
Turning in her chair to look at him, Manda just chuckled softly. "Yeah, well… too late now, isn't it?"  
Moving in for the kill, Dean laid one teasing open kiss on her. "Not for that... and more."  
"Dean," she quietly said, feeling his hand lightly run along her thigh. "You really are a pain in the ass sometimes."  
"So? You still like me for it. Always have," he chuckled, meeting her lips again for a softer kiss this time.  
Not saying anything because it was true, Manda just searched his face for a moment. There was lust and a look in his eyes that told her she was getting a damn good night from him, but there was still so much else he was trying to hide. "That air do you any good?"  
_Not as much as you will…_ "Bit… just been a helluva week."  
His eyes broke from hers then, and it showed her what she needed to know. "Then you can tell me all about it… but first I need to hit the little hunters' room. Meet you in the one place where no one will overhear us here in a few?"  
"Downstairs?" Dean smirked as turned his head back to look at her.  
She nodded. "Unless you've got a better spot in mind?"  
"No… but you know we're not doing much talking down there, Manda."  
"Maybe not, but you'll end up telling me what's wrong one way or another." Manda got up, and then leaned down. "Don't keep me waiting this time," she whispered in his ear, and then walked away leaving Dean by himself.  
Going to help himself to a beer, Dean knew she was right as he took a long sip. He turned out the light, grabbed another beer for Manda, and then headed for the basement knowing she'd be there within minutes herself.

[ - ]

Waiting for Manda, Dean sat on the desk in Bobby's demon-proof panic room. It was quiet, and as he looked around he couldn't help but think of how he and Bobby had locked Sam in here to dry out from his demon blood addiction. It was the only way to stop Sam from what he thought would lead him to going completely darkside, the only solution he had left to fight for his brother at that time.  
_Tried everything I could and it just wasn't enough_ , he thought, thinking of how badly it had backfired. Sam had escaped, trusted Ruby instead of him, done her bidding by cracking open the final seal that turned out to be killing Lilith, and the rest was history. Up came Lucifer like a jack-in-the-box, and now here they were in this mess.  
All the paths and roads taken had brought them to here and now, and no matter how hard they seemed to fight against it, things were still going south. They were losing the battle he knew they had little chance of winning.  
Dean knew he was damned if he did and just as damned if he didn't. He didn't want to have to fight or kill Sam, didn't want to give in to hosting Michael, didn't want the goddamn weight of the world on his back. So, he just kept on looking for another way, hoping he'd stumble on some answer to everything. But time was running out, and his will to fight was wearing thin when everything he was doing just seemed to be futile.  
Walking in, Manda found Dean sitting on a corner of desk with a distant look as he nursed a beer. Within the few minutes since leaving him in the kitchen, he seemed to have slipped back into the dismal mood he'd been in earlier. _Here's hoping he talks a little…_  
"Don't know about you, but locking ourselves in here doesn't seem like a bad way to try riding out an Apocalypse," she said.  
Being pulled out of his thoughts by her voice, Dean grabbed the other beer and held it out as she came up to him. "There's worse ways to spend it." He mustered up a smile, but didn't feel it.  
Taking the beer, Manda couldn't help but notice just how down he was again. "Definitely." She tapped the neck of her bottle to his, took a small sip, and then leaned more than sat on the desk next to him. "So…"  
"So…" Dean took his own small sip, finding he needed to make what was left last now. He knew she had just read him like a book.  
"Just you and me, Winchester. Ready to talk yet?"  
He wasn't and he was. He knew he could talk to her, but if he said he didn't want to, she'd leave it at that. Still, he knew he at least owed her some sort of explanation when she hadn't pried or even asked why he bothered calling her only to avoid her until now. "'Bout what?"  
"What happened these last few days."  
"Guess you already know… so if Sam told you the details, there's no reason I need to." He gave her a smile. It was a small and sad smile that didn't reach his eyes, and disappeared as he took another sip of beer.  
The sadness in him was so evident then that Manda moved just an inch closer and opted for a simple touch. Her hand curled over his leg just above his knee and she squeezed it lightly as she looked at him. "Okay… we can save the heart-to-heart for later then, and you can go right ahead and throw me down and go to town just like last time if that's what you want. But you were a million miles away when I walked in, Dean. You have been for most of the day."  
Knowing what she was getting at, the last time she hadn't pressured him to talk about anything. It was the middle of the night before he was finally ready to talk to her about Sam and everything else as they lied entangled in bed. It just didn't seem fair to do that to her again. "Sorry."  
"It's all right," she assured him softly. "I don't expect you to be all sunshine and sweetness, but you called me, and it wasn't just so you could jump my bones."  
Quiet because there was truth in what she said, Dean couldn't say anything. But then he felt her arm wrap around his, and how close she was now. She seemed to know how much he needed to feel something other than what he was, so he closed his eyes, just feeling her against him.  
"You've gotten all the space you're getting from me today 'cause you've got me worried… have been since your call. That's why I got here earlier than I should have. Got nothing to do with Sam or Bobby, not even my goddamn birthday… just you. So tell me what's going on or just say you're okay, shut me up with a kiss, and take me to bed," Manda stated, knowing it would either go one way or the other.  
He knew she meant it, and that this was the last bit of coaxing she would do because she'd given him an out if he wanted it. Opening his eyes then, Dean knew he had to talk to her, but it just wasn't as easy as it should be. "I'm…" he turned his head and laid a light kiss on her lips, unable to say okay. _Far from okay? Hanging by a thread? Failing again?_  
_Nowhere near okay and breaking…_ "Say it," she uttered, her eyes pleading with his as she saw how haunted he seemed now.  
It took him a minute to find his voice as he just intently stared back at her, finding he couldn't lie to her. "I'm so tired, Manda," he quietly admitted.  
The vulnerable side he almost always buried deep down was coming out now. "I know you are," she said, an understanding tone taking hold of her voice. "But it's more than that, isn't it?"  
Hesitating, Dean once again wondered how she just always seemed to know. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore," he sighed heavily, and then drank what was left of his beer. "I'm winging it a little more every day, but it's just never enough…" He tilted his head away from her and glanced around the room, staring into nothing and nowhere particular.  
There was such utter hopelessness bleeding through in him then that Manda did the only thing she could do for him. She leaned a little more against to let him know he wasn't alone.  
"You know what happens if I can't stop it." He closed his eyes again, feeling the warmth of Manda with him. "Ain't much of a friggin' world left once Lucifer's running around in Sam… I saw what becomes of everything and everyone in that angel induced trip to the future…" his voice faltered as he stopped himself. He didn't even know if she existed in that future. She hadn't been there, which meant either she had died before then or was hiding out somewhere else and couldn't get to him. He wasn't sure he wanted to know which it was though, but more than likely it was the former, and he knew losing her was going to hurt almost as much as losing Sam.  
Remembering what he'd told her about it, Manda just rested her head on his shoulder and then closed her eyes for a moment. "Yeah… the devil's turning this world into a twsited reality show."  
"And everyone's a star," he muttered, taking the beer out of her hand then and drinking from it.  
Rubbing her hand on his bicep, Manda just sat there with him in silence for a few minutes.  
"I shot that son of a bitch square in the head with the Colt, Manda… and he got right back up like he was some freakin' kid's toy…" He chugged back a heavy sip, finishing off the beer he'd taken from her, and then put it behind him with the other one, not wanting to break it like he almost felt he could now.  
Sensing his guilt in failing, she also felt him tense beside her, so she let go of him a little and just looked at him. "It was supposed to kill anything of the supernatural kind. How were you supposed to know it wouldn't work? We're always taking shots in the dark like that when we don't know, hoping it sticks."  
Not looking at her, Dean knew she was right, but that wasn't taking his guilt away. "Yeah, well not knowing… that one shot… that one shot cost Ellen and Jo their lives…" he scoffed a little roughly, trying to mask the pain he felt.  
He had so much guilt and pain, and true to his fashion, Dean was stuffing it down, pretending it didn't matter. Manda would have given anything to take it away, but all she could do was try to help lessen the weight of both. She tentatively put a hand on his shoulder, hoping he didn't shrug out of it. "I'm sorry they died… but, Dean, that's not your blame to shoulder. They made their choices, and you had to take that shot no matter what. They knew it, and so do you."  
He just sat there, not saying anything, not moving either. She had just told him what he already knew despite how guilty he felt for it, and for everything else. He'd broken the first seal, hadn't been able to stop Sam from breaking the last, so all that blame rested on his shoulders, didn't it?  
Waiting, she was glad he didn't pull away on her then, but she wasn't sure what he was thinking. He still wouldn't look at her. "Dean?"  
"What if giving in is the only way to stop it, Manda?" he asked with a sullen tone. "What the hell do I do then? Let everyone die… let the world end 'cause… 'cause…" he stammered, feeling his throat closing with the words and what he knew were rising tears as he tried voicing what he worried and feared would be the only option sooner or later. "What it means… I won't… I-I… can't… I can't do it, not to Sammy…" His voice had broken as he choked back his tears trying not to cry and break down even more in front of her, wanting to hide this vulnerability. But Dean felt the stream of wetness down his face as he closed his eyes, and then he looked away completely, tipping his head with defeat.  
Hearing his faint stifled sniffle, and seeing as he wiped away at silent tears, Manda rubbed her hand over his shoulder, knowing there was nothing she could say now. She had no answers to offer, and no words would comfort him either. So, she got up then, stood in front of him and just wrapped her arms around him whether he wanted her to or not. She knew how much pain and guilt there was in him on any given day, but this was worse. It hurt to see him so broken down, so full of despair, and as he tensed a little, she just tightened her embrace, unwilling to let him go.  
It took Dean a few seconds before his arms went around her. He buried his face into her shoulder, and held on as he shed a few more silent tears knowing she wouldn't think less of him for it. There was a lingering kiss against his hair, and then her cheek rested against the top of his head as she reminded him it was okay to break down with her, that she was here for him no matter what.  
When his grip loosened and his hands fell to her waist, Manda pulled back. He wouldn't meet her gaze as his eyes were still closed and his head was bowed again. She tenderly placed a hand on his cheek as a way to reassure him could take as much time as he needed, he knew she wasn't going anywhere.  
Not able to move out from her touch, Dean pressed his cheek further into her hand for a moment. And then he opened his eyes, looked up into hers. There was love and such gentleness for him in her normally hardened eyes. He knew it hurt her to see him this way as the unspoken understanding that existed between them was there now. She was wordlessly asking if he was okay, and he was silently telling her he was trying.  
Seeing the raw emotions still so present in Dean, Manda rubbed her thumb along his cheek lightly, and then she pressed her lips to his with a gentle, loving kiss. It was what he needed now, and it was what she needed herself as the need to be with him was taking over.  
Breaking away, Dean just looked at her with his lips pressed together. Bobby had been right – Manda was still his girl even if she wasn't, and that's when he knew how much he still wanted, needed and loved her. The need to feel her with him was rising fast, so he kissed her then, harder, deeper, full of his sorrow and despair, but also with what he still felt towards her.  
The pain was obvious, and she knew then that Dean was more torn up than he was even letting her see. "It will all be okay, baby… least for tonight," she whispered.  
The softness that would always be there for her ran through him then. All the feelings he hid inside when it came to her were coming back strongly as Dean reached up and gave her face a caress so light his fingers barely brushed over her skin on their way to the back of her neck. He pulled her to him, kissing her again as he slid off the desk to stand, only his kiss was slower now, tasting her, loving her, and throwing all his need for her into it.  
Aware of his hands that were slipping from her waist to her ass, Manda felt his desire as he squeezed and then she was quickly off her feet and sitting on the desk without knowing how she got there.  
Hearing a beer bottle tip and then roll from the rushed and kind of hard way he'd sat Manda down, Dean caught it behind her, edging her down a little as he did. "Oops," he whispered, locking his mouth to hers, and clumsily putting the bottle out of reach.  
Passion was stirring, and the kisses went from hard to intense. Manda was struggling to breathe, and then she knew whatever was on the desk was being swept off as she trailed kisses down Dean's neck. She barely heard the clattering on the floor as he got her leaning back on her elbows with hungry kisses.  
"Miss you, babe," Dean cooed with a low whisper in her ear, using one hand to undo the belt she wore with her jeans.  
The words sobered Manda up, just as the expert tugging on her belt which already had it opened and half off did. It was rare Dean said those words, but she knew he meant them when he did. "Easy, tiger," she said with a flirty tone.  
"Think it's time I take you to bed," he said with a naughty glint in his eye, and a playful smirk. He dropped her belt next to the desk on the floor. "That throw you down and go to town offer still good?"  
Manda just gave him an open kiss in response, and started pulling his shirt up his back with one hand.  
Dean knew the desk was sturdy, but figured it would probably give under then once they got into the swing of things. So he backed off a little, finished pulling of his shirt and then went for hers just as she sat up straight realizing she must have figured the same.  
Letting him get her out of her shirt, Manda caught his eye for a moment after his gaze scanned down and up. The delicate black and white lace bra had been the last clean one in her bag, so her grin was a little cocky, knowing he liked what he saw, just like he always had with her.  
Dean traced her collarbone, pushing away the strap on her right shoulder where the scars down her back started. His mouth crashed to hers then with a deep, passionate kiss, and once she wrapped her legs around him, he lifted her from the desk and headed for the cot with her.  
Threading her hands through his hair as he walked them to what she guessed would be the small cot, Manda moaned as Dean kissed the spot on her neck he knew drove her nuts and then raised his mouth back to hers.  
Groping her ass tightly with one hand, Dean was breathing hard when his leg smacked into the cot, and it scraped against the floor with movement. Manda giggled and went to get down, but he held her tighter, distracting her with a deep kiss as he slowly bended down a little to take get them down together.  
Unwrapping her legs from around him as he let her slide out from his hold instead of lying her down. Manda shivered as Dean ran his hands gingerly up her back then. It was clear he was slowing down now, his urgency was giving way to something else as he lightly kissed her and then just found his way over her without being right on her. "Sweet and even getting a bit romantic, Winchester… you'd think it was my birthday or something," she playfully teased in a soft tone.  
Pursing his lips together and raising an eyebrow, he bit back a retort, and then just soulfully searched her eyes, letting her see words he didn't want to say out loud.  
Manda smiled softly, knowing what he was telling her. "Hey… still love you too," she said, pulling him to her, ready to show him she meant it.  
"Uh, sorry I forgot... Happy Birthday, Chambers," he whispered with a sweet kiss.  
She let her fingers crawl light and slow up his jaw line, and then cupped her hand on the back of his neck. "Thank you, handsome… but don't sweat it. I got a feelin' it's about to be the best one yet," she assured him with a knowing smirk.  
"I'll make sure it's one to remember." Dean didn't hesitate then, just kissed her with intent as he undid the button and zipper of her jeans, not wanting to feel anything else but the girl he still loved more than he could say.


	4. Chapter 4

On the cot's mattress that he'd ended up tossing on the floor, Dean held Manda close to him under tangled sheets as he stared up at the large ventilation fan that slowly spun overhead.  
Sleep wasn't coming as easily as it should have with how exhausted he now was, but at least he was feeling more relaxed than he had in weeks. That feeling was rare these days, so he was content to just lay with Manda after giving her a birthday to remember, and to once again let the one woman who would always understand him have whatever little was left of his heart for the night.  
And so far he knew it had been the kind of night they both seemed to need.  
Fuelled by an incredibly strong and mutual need to just be with each other, the love that still existed between them was undeniable in the way they had lost themselves together.  
Their foreplay had been slow, sensual teasing, and once neither had been able to hold off any longer, the real passion had come out to play as they merged out of love. Everything else had ceased to exist then as they seemed to only know the other.  
Down in shelter of Bobby's basement, there weren't any angels and demons using the world as their battleground. The devastatingly tragic and traumatic pasts and current lives of the two hunters had been forgotten, and it was as though they hadn't been spent their lives chasing down the kind of things most sane and normal people would run and hide from. Within the salt-coated iron walls that made up the panic room it became just the two of them, lost together and within one another as the night wore on around them.  
Now, spent, and seemingly asleep, Manda was pressed against his right side, head resting upon his chest with her right hand splayed flat over his heart. Dean just held her as close as he could, trying to retain the feeling of how together they were right now as he laid there awake.  
Somewhat wishing the night wasn't over with already, running his hand gently up her back from her waist, he used the four long scars that adorned the right side of it as a guide. Tracing the marks with a lover's delicate touch, he heard her moan sweet and sleepily, and then felt her smile against him. He knew then that while she hadn't talked or moved in some time, she wasn't asleep yet either. "Still awake?"  
"Yeah… why?" Manda lifted her head to look at him, wondering if there was something wrong. "You all right?"  
"Yeah… just thought you drifted off on me by now."  
"No," she softly yawned. "Well, maybe just for a few minutes." She had been completely exhausted but was now catching a second wind after shutting her eyes for a little upon feeling completely at ease for the first time in a few months as she rested in Dean's arms. Wrapped in his protective embrace, the female hunter felt two things she couldn't seem to find anywhere else – safe and loved. Having missed it, it was damned hard for her not to enjoy it while she could.  
Seeing a satisfied smile that reached deep in her eyes, and knowing he put it there, Dean found himself smirking as he watched her. "Take it by that look, you had a good birthday?"  
Manda barely nodded, grinning sheepishly. "The best," she whispered, stretching up a bit to meet his slightly open lips for a lingering kiss to thank him.  
His hand grazed along her back as she gave his face a light caress. "Mission accomplished then. Told you I'd make sure it was one to remember."  
Studying him for a moment, she found him to be as relaxed as he could probably get these days. "Looks like all that rolling around did the trick… you've mellowed out some."  
Dean smirked, chortling at the comment. "Always does, Chambers. You know me."  
Manda laughed softly, resting her head on his chest again. "That I do."  
"So, uh… thanks for, ya know… coming out here," he said genuinely but also somewhat casually, downplaying what he was really trying to say. She'd know he meant being here for him. It wasn't just the round of amazing sex that had now stripped away most of his tension. Just being around her was what he had needed most.  
"Anytime, Dean. You know that," Manda replied, now settled back into the position she'd been in earlier. "All you gotta do is call."  
Knowing it was true, he enveloped her securely in his arms again, and swiftly kissed the top of her head. "Yeah… so do you."  
After a minute's silence, Manda slid her hand up to his shoulder, curling her fingers over it. "I miss this… us." She spoke then with the complete vulnerability of feeling so close to him still. "Always do."  
Dean heard how weary, alone, and empty she sounded then. He knew they were too alike in that regard sometimes. From the lives they led, it was bound to be that way, and it was no wonder why they shared the connection they did. Because lying here, finding it so easy to just be together in spite of everything else right now, he knew why she was bringing it up.  
They were always going to be good for one another. It was why he missed them too, more than he'd thought and more than she knew. In this soft-hearted moment they were sharing, it seemed worth telling her so. "Me, too," he admitted after a lengthy pause.  
The confession was nice to hear, but it also hurt. This wouldn't last. It couldn't. Knowing so caused tears to rise in Manda's eyes as she kissed his chest with utter tenderness. "I hate that we can't seem to be together for very long," she declared, a weak breaking in her voice.  
"I know… but that's how it is, and you're better off for it, Manda." Wetness threatened to gather in his eyes as he thought about it, and then he felt it fall on his chest instead of down his face.  
Manda was crying, allowing her soundless tears to escape on him. He'd had his breakdown earlier, and now she was having hers. All he could do was tighten his hold on her then, because he knew how much she wished they could be with each other if there was way to be, even though they both knew it was better they weren't.  
Dean didn't want to be her downfall, and being with him was only likely to get her killed faster than not being with him would. It was part of what kept them apart no matter of what either truthfully wanted deep down in those things called dreams.  
"It's not fair… we'll never get to either. We'll both be… d-dead… or at least one of us will be by the time everything ends… if it ends," Manda's voice quavered with the words and the thought through hushed tears. The odds were never stacked in either of their favours. One of them wasn't bound to make it out of this war alive. She hated thinking about it, wondering when and if it was going to be him or her who would die first, but it was hard not to think about it more and more these days.  
"Probably…" Unwilling to lie to her, that was all he could say as his eyes misted now from knowing how true it was. Chances were Manda was going to die hunting alone somewhere out there down the line, and he already knew where he was heading. Dean was sure he'd be dead one way or another, whether he said yes to Michael or not. It was just a matter of time. Time that might as well have been a war raged in emptying hour glass at this point, and they were sinking in the sand as it fell.  
They were both quiet as the harsh truth of it all sank in.  
How many more chances would they get to be together before time ran out? Would this be the last one? This very night was looking more and more likely at being it for them with how things kept playing out lately. Both felt and knew it as they lied there entwined.  
Starting out slow and soft, Manda kissed her way up from his chest, intensifying the kisses as she reached his neck, his chin, and lastly, his mouth. Without breaking her mouth from his, she quickly found her way over him.  
Digging his short nails into her waist through the sheet, Dean's moan was low and eager as she slowly withdrew her tongue from his mouth. She left him wanting a whole lot more and short of breath after the deeply impassioned kiss.  
With her tear-streaked face an inch over his, Manda gazed at him with hungry yet sad eyes. "Make love to me again," she whispered with gentle pleading instead of demand. "If this is the only time left we get to have, I wanna know we spent it wisely." She smiled, trying not to be so utterly emotional, but it was a broken, clumsy, and somewhat heartbreaking smile. Her eyes glistened once again with fresh tears.  
Pensively looking at her, he brushed his thumb over her cheek as a lone tear fell down. It was clear Manda was appealing to him by pulling his kind of line in an attempt to appear less in need of him than they both knew she was right then. But to deny her of what she wanted most right now – him – wouldn't work for either of them when he wanted her just as much in return.  
"Know you're having one of your moments here… but, think you're about done with the waterworks so we can enjoy it again, sweetheart?" He gave her a charming and cocky grin, knowing it was a bit insensitive, but she would know that if she wasn't, he'd wait until she was.  
With a single nod, she regained some of her tougher self and said, "Tears are done, but the moment's not. Deal with it, Winchester."  
Dean's smirk widened as he brushed some of her hair behind her ear. "That's my girl," he whispered, meeting her lips for a passionately slow kiss. Lost in it, he rolled them over with ease, and then just peered down at her under him for a moment.  
Not that he ever would have been able to anyway, but there'd be absolutely no refusing Manda for him. Not now. Not with the way she just looked at him, all her feelings for him written all over her.  
There was such an unmistakable heat in Dean's eyes then that Manda knew he wasn't fooling himself let alone her with how much he also needed to just be with her again tonight.  
"And you're lucky you're damn hard to say no to… especially when you're pulling my kinda line on me," Dean muttered with a playful smirk just before their mouths hungrily collided with desire.  
It wasn't long until he was carelessly saying the words he hadn't told her out loud earlier and yanking on the twisted sheet between them so they could get on with what they both wanted to happen again. Because Dean needed to feel they were together just as much as Manda did, even if it was only for what was left of the night.

[ - ]

Waking to find herself right at the edge of the cot's mattress on her side, Manda shivered, suddenly aware of the cold floor under the half of her uncovered leg that was hanging over.  
The arm over her instantly constricted in response while the outstretched one under her cheek shifted a little more forward as the body behind her moved closer.  
Dean was now right against her back, offering warmth. and spooning her tighter than he had been. Feeling their entwined hands lightly pressed more into her stomach then, she knew he had probably kept her from ending up on the floor more than once.  
Hoping she hadn't woken him if he was still asleep, Manda slowly slid her leg back under the mess of blankets over them, and then just closed her eyes again, not wanting to get up yet.  
She ached to stay right here with Dean, hiding in the lie that they were and would be safe and sound as long as they stayed here, but it couldn't happen. Like always – he would go one way and she would go another when this short time together was over.  
If they were lucky and time was on both their sides, they would meet up again sometime soon. But fortune never really seemed to smile on their odd relationship, and in the event they never saw each other after this, at least they'd gotten to spend one more night together.  
One incredible night Manda couldn't help but smile about now.  
Keeping his word, Dean had made sure her birthday was memorable by letting her know he was still her man. While they were sharing their wounded hearts with each other again, comforting sorrows and fears, there was no doubting they had delved deep into the one emotion that lay behind it – love. Treading those dangerous waters once stripped down of their guards, they allowed themselves to fall a little harder for each other, and it had gone down as a night Manda wouldn't trade for anything now.  
A few minutes later, she was still grinning with her eyes closed when Dean's arm started moving upwards, taking hers with it. Their hands stopped near her chest, his fingers unlocked from hers, and then his hold loosened a bit.  
"Hey, gorgeous… time to rise and shine," Dean crooned with a flirty and soft tone in her ear. Having been awake for some time already, once knowing she'd stirred, he had given her a few minutes to fully wake up.  
"Mmm," she moaned pleasantly in response, brushing her lips on his arm still under her cheek with a light kiss. "Do I have to?"  
"Don't want to get up?"  
"Do you?"  
Smirking, he should have known she'd quickly throw the question back at him. "Not when I can think of a few good reasons to stay right here," he answered with a suggestive ring to his voice, kissing her bare, unscarred left shoulder. Actually, there was only one good reason at the forefront of his mind, and his morning couldn't start out better if he got his way.  
Chuckling, Manda twisted more on her back to look at him. Dishevelled looking even with his short hair, it was obvious Dean had barely slept. He didn't seem to care either. There was a deeply satisfied look about him as he yawned. The grin that reached his eyes as he caught her gaze was hard to miss, and he seemed more upbeat than he had been yesterday. Spending the night with her had done him some good.  
_At least we'll both be wearing the been-screwed-senseless look to breakfast._ "Exactly, handsome… all this ends the moment we do."  
Dean withdrew his arm from under her head, moved back an inch, and propped himself up on his elbow. He grinned at seeing there was no way Manda could hide the look that said she'd gotten seriously laid last night. Her wavy hair was a wild mess, and her tired but content eyes matched the ear-to-ear smile she was now trying to keep under wraps.  
_Hell of a night, beautiful. Think we could both do with a repeat_ , he thought as he searched her eyes, silently hoping she would stay for another day he wasn't even sure he could afford to spend here. There was only one way to find out."Does that mean you're heading out to that case in a few hours?" he asked.  
Neither had brought up how much time they could spend together, but seeing the way he looked at her right then, she knew she wasn't going anywhere. The job would still be there tomorrow, but she pretended to consider it for a moment in order to tease him. "It'll hold for one more day… if that's you asking me to stay here?"  
He half-nodded, looking a tad sheepish. He hadn't exactly asked her outright again, but she had known anyway. "You're sure?"  
"Yeah, my lead's already a week and a half old. But are you sure you can stick around?" Curiously looking at Dean, Manda knew that while he wanted to be here, it still didn't mean another day spent holing up here or with her was feasible for him.  
Realizing he really didn't care that he should get back on the road today, Dean guffawed in slight amusement. "I can if you can…"  
"Well, I do need to do laundry, and I'd kill for a few more hours of sleep instead of a day's worth of driving." She held back on a wide smile then.  
Smirking at what were valid points but still excuses, Dean knew the issue was settled – they were staying. "And I could give my car a tune up. Guess I better let Sam know."  
Chuckling at how he met her excuses with his own, Manda rolled onto her side to face him. "He's not gonna be a happy camper, and Bobby will be less than thrilled with us too."  
"You leave Sammy to me," he commanded with a light kiss. "But the honour of breaking the news that we're shacking up here again tonight to Bobby is all yours."  
Tossing him an "oh really?" look, Manda propped herself up on her elbow. "Hey, he made that offer to hitch us last night. I'll just tell him we skipped to the honeymoon and thank him for the use of this fabulous suite."  
Not sure she was kidding, but thinking she was, Dean just shook his head. "Don't even think about it," he chuckled.  
"Guess we better make an appearance upstairs then. Get that over with," she smirked.  
"Nobody's missing us just yet." His hand found her hip, and his fingers swept back and forth on the sheet covering her. "But maybe I should let Sam know before he ends up down here soon."  
Yawning softly, Manda pulled over the pillow that Dean had hogged and laid her head on it. "Go ahead, and then you might wanna grab a shower. You kind of stink of sex, Winchester."  
Dean chortled. "Hate to give you the news flash here, but so do you."  
"I know, and it's your fault," she laughed teasingly.  
"Oh, it's my fault?" He lifted a brow, considerably entertained now. "Wasn't me all emo, crying, flashing around those doe eyes, and asking for round two, Chambers."  
"No, that was just you before round one. And it wasn't like you objected to the second," she shot back.  
"Now why would I do that?" Leaning in closer to her, Dean smirked as his fingers grabbed hold of the sheet and he slowly pulled it up exposing more of her legs.  
Manda pushed him back with a flat palm as he went to kiss her. "And now you're the one looking for another go."  
"Guilty as charged. Thought we were spending this time wisely?" Dean twisted her words from the night before as he quickly grabbed her by the wrist and then managed to pin her down by both as he climbed over her.  
Shaking her head 'no', she tried not to grin. "You're such a…"  
Cutting her off with a bruising kiss so she couldn't say it, Dean knew how the sentence ended – pain in the ass. He also knew she wouldn't stop him now. So, when she clearly wanted more, he broke away. "Don't hear you objecting," he teased, starting to trail light kisses down from her ear.  
Smiling, eyes still closed, Manda moaned lightly, digging her nails into his shoulders. "Now why would I do that?" she countered, tossing his words back at him now.  
Chuckling against the hollow of her neck, Dean felt one of her legs wrap over one of his. "And here I was ready to do a little more persuading…"  
Manda opened her eyes to see Dean's staring into hers as she felt a wisp of cool air as his hand slipped underneath the sheet, and then his warm hand was curving low on her hip. "Take your best shot." She smirked, pulling him into a hungry kiss.  
Making out hard and heavy, a few minutes later they had rolled onto the floor amid the tangled blankets they had dragged with them. They forcefully got themselves back onto the mattress with intent. The passion of the moment was threatening to take over and it was almost time to play it safe.  
"Dean, Manda," Bobby's gruff and unimpressed voice seemed to amplify down the basement stairs and into the panic room.  
Breaking a heated kiss and freezing for a split second upon hearing Bobby, both their heads whipped towards the doorway as if they were a couple of guilty teenagers that had been caught instead of adults.  
Stopped in front of the doorway to the basement in his wheelchair, Bobby wasn't sure Dean and Manda were even awake yet, especially when it was likely they'd been up most of the night. But whether they were or they weren't, he didn't care. "This ain't a love palace. So if you've gotten the copulating out of your systems, get your sorry asses upstairs. And clean up whatever mess you've made, including your leftover… evidence." He shuddered with a distasteful look, not wanting to think about it, but unable to help it when he didn't have to guess what they had done in his panic room. "Nobody wants to get stuck down there with it."  
Bobby wheeled away then, knowing he'd piss off the two younger hunters in his basement if they were up. "Not what I built that damn room for," he muttered, seeing Sam's sympathetic look and hearing his hearty chuckle as the younger Winchester came out from the kitchen with a mug of coffee. "Unless you've got a sterilizing spell on hand, knock it off, Sam," he said, wheeling past Sam to get his own coffee.  
Looking back at each other after Bobby's snarky remarks were done, their eyes sharing an annoyed mental groan at having been interrupted before Dean and Manda broke out into laughter.  
They exchanged apologetic looks through the snickering, and then Dean backed off of Manda and sat up.  
"Copulating?" he scoffed. "Not out of my system yet, but he sure knows how to kill the mood."  
"Tell me about it," Manda agreed, fixing the sheet to be tightly around her again. "Bobby seems grouchier than usual… gonna be fun telling him we're staying."  
"I'll do it," he sighed heavily, rubbing his hand over his face. "Sounds like he's figured it out anyway. Not much gets by him."  
Sitting up a bit behind him, Manda circled her arms around his waist, and kissed his shoulder. "Sorry. You okay?"  
"Yeah," Dean assured her, patting her hands with one of his. "Was just kinda hoping we'd get to start today out right, you know?" And they would have, if Bobby had only waited another minute or two, they wouldn't have paid him any attention at all.  
She kissed his shoulder again, knowing exactly what he meant. "We'll pick it up later. You know they're waiting on us to do a walk of shame now."  
Chortling, Dean turned his head to look at her. "Then they're outta luck. No shame here, Chambers." His lips met hers for a delicate kiss, and then she let him go as he turned more into it. Sliding an arm behind her, he pulled her closer as they let the kiss naturally deepen, because while it wouldn't make up for the moment they'd lost, it was needed now.  
"None at all." Manda grinned, giving him another small kiss. "But maybe you should head upstairs now. I'll straighten up the mess down here."  
Letting go of her, Dean sat up straight again and looked around to see what kind of a mess they had made.  
The desk had been swept bare thanks to him and the surrounding area of the floor was covered in what had been on top. The cot had been pushed aside and robbed of its mattress, and there were a few more things that would be, as Bobby had put it, "left over evidence" from their night together. "That'll definitely give you a few minutes to get your poker face on."  
"That bad?"  
He chuckled warmly. "Not that I mind when I put it there… but there's one serious case of my-world-got-rocked-last-night written all over you."  
Laughing, she knew it was true and couldn't think of a retort. "Well… that was a helluva night, honey."  
With a cocky grin, Dean's expression said he agreed. "It always is."  
Rolling her eyes, Manda knew a small grin betrayed her. "Too bad the morning's shot... it really didn't sound too urgent that we get up there."  
He questionably raised his brow at her, pondering the implied suggestions of staying right here. It was tempting. "Got a point. Bobby did say if…" he trailed off, smirking.  
They stared at one another for a moment, waiting for the other to make the first move to get up. While they knew their appearances had to be put in upstairs sooner rather than later, neither was in much of a hurry to do so.  
"Few more minutes can't hurt then." She gave him a subtle nod to suggest lying down again. "We're already on his bad side today."  
She was right, and that was all the arm twisting Dean needed then. He lied back down and put an arm behind his head. "Not ready to face the music yet?" he joked as she joined him and rested her head on his chest.  
"Got a poker face to work on first thanks to you," Manda muttered, putting her arm over him.  
A smug smirk spread over his face as he wrapped his arm around her. "Uh-huh. So Bobby killed the mood and now you still want a few minutes of cuddling?"  
She lifted her head and looked at him comically for a second. "Need to get it out of my system as much as you do yours. So just enjoy it, Dean," she rebutted with a devilish grin, and then laid her head back down on him. "Your secret's still safe with me."  
Starting to say something, Dean stopped, knowing he couldn't argue much when he really didn't mind this and she knew it. "Don't get too comfy there, Manda… we're getting up soon."  
Manda didn't say anything, just began to lightly graze her fingers over his chest as they both stayed silent for a little. "Think we'll be able to swing a mostly typical day of us holing up?" she asked.  
Pressing his lips together, he thought it over for a second. A typical day of holing up together was spent a lot like this, but being at Bobby's house, they couldn't spend it in bed without catching more grief then they already had. "Long as we lay off our normal routine, it shouldn't be a problem… this ain't a love palace, remember?"  
With a chuckle, she propped herself a bit on him, and then just looked at him a little sadly. The fairytale night and morning was coming to an end. It was time to do what they'd already tried to extend. "Time to get up or we'll never hear the end of it, right?"  
Seeing she didn't want to leave here anymore than he did, but knowing it was time to face reality again, Dean nodded regretfully. He gave her face a gentle caress, feeling disappointed they couldn't just spend the day here, and pulled her in for a tender kiss. "C'mon, Chambers, let's go find your big girl panties and get you back into them… least for a few hours anyway." He mischievously grinned, hoping nothing else went wrong for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this chapter was a little too fluffy, and hopefully a little funny at times as well with the banter. Liking their typical banter or not? Also liked throwing the little bit of Bobby's two cents in at such a time.  
> Just making sure things between Dean and Manda get nice and tangled for later as usual.  
> Hope you've enjoyed it so far!  
> Next chapter is the one I was stuck on back in the day. It's still a pain, but I've been working on it all these years later, like where it's going now, and hope to get it up soon.  
> Thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote about 50 drafts of this chapter from back when it was first being written, have scrapped them and started fresh all these years later. It was too easy back then and never quite right either. Think this works more than those did as this one might now set everything up a little better for what's to come later in the story.  
> Hope if you're reading, you enjoy it! Because it's taken a long time, and now a lot of editing to get this chapter done.

Coming up from the basement stairs first, Dean poked his head out of the doorway to have a quick look. The coast currently seemed clear when he didn’t see or hear Sam or Bobby. Not that he cared much about what either would have to say. It wasn’t like both hadn’t known he and Manda would end up spending the night together.  
Heading straight for the bathroom first, and then making his way to the kitchen hoping there was at least coffee ready, Dean didn’t quite catch sight of Sam sitting behind Bobby’s desk as he walked in.  
Sam cleared his throat, looked at his brother curiously for a moment.  
“What?” He stopped, shrugged casually, and then continued towards the coffee he could now smell. “You knew how it was going to go once you left us alone.”  
Sam shook his head, slightly amused and finding it typical. Dean was wearing a look he had seen enough over the years from what his brother deemed great sex, but he also saw it held a rarity to it this morning. The cocky and deeply satisfied grin on Dean’s face genuinely reached his eyes right now. Sam knew it had everything to do with how his older brother still felt about the female hunter he’d spent the night with. The tension in him was also now less present, and his mood was lighter too, so it was obvious whatever else might have gone on between them had done him some good.  
He scoffed. “Yeah, it was obvious once you came back in. So, are we heading out today?”  
Glad to see the pot was full and still hot, Dean set about grabbing two mugs knowing Manda would also need the caffeine jolt once she put in her appearance in just a few minutes. He started making them both cup since he still remembered how she took hers.  
Dean slightly chuckled, and kind of scratched at his scalp. “Um, yeah, about that. I need to work on the car, do some gun maintenance, and we’re running low on rock salt and silver rounds. Should take care of all that crap before we head out, so tomorrow?”  
“Figured as much,” Sam kind of groaned while trying not to laugh at his brother’s excuses. “So is Manda staying again too?”  
Turning around, Dean just shrugged and grinned.  
Bobby wheeled in then, eyeing Dean. He hid a laugh with a piercing glare since he could see what was written all over the boy, opting just to bust his balls a little. “You leave that girl to clean everything up by herself?”  
“No,” Dean groaned harshly, flashing a look of annoyance before sipping his coffee and leaning back against the counter.  
“He helped, Bobby,” Manda sighed, entering the kitchen.  
“More like couldn’t help himself from the looks of it.” Bobby rolled his eyes at Dean who was giving him a told-you-so look as he wheeled more into the kitchen and spun around.  
Manda ignored Bobby, mouthed “thanks” as she took the mug Dean was holding out to her then. She turned around, sipping the coffee, leaning back in the spot beside him. Then she saw the looks she got from the other two hunters she was now facing. “What? It was my birthday and I was drunk enough by the end of it.”  
“Sober,” Dean coughed, pointing at her for the sake of his brother and Bobby just before she backhanded him lightly in the arm. “Well, you were, Manda.”  
Sam couldn’t hold in the small laugh when the female hunter had faced them. He’d thought Dean had been bad at hiding it, but Manda was worse. The slightly dreamy grin and look she was trying to conceal matched the extremely content look in her eyes. She was also rocking what Sam knew was clearly sex hair for the mess it was that morning. There was no way she could downplay what kind of birthday present Dean had given her.  
Bobby rubbed his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing when it was no secret from the look on Manda that Dean had given her some kind of night. It was obvious those two kids loved each other more than he’d thought they did, and a part of him hoped somehow they would get a chance to still end up together some day. They both deserved it if that’s what they wanted, but right then how could he not help but give them a little hell for using his panic room to hook up? “So, the two of you get it out of your systems?”  
“Not entirely, but you can tell we certainly tried to.” Manda met Bobby’s hard look with her own to let him know she wasn’t standing for his commentary.  
Dean laughed at her comment, nodding in agreement. It was true, they had tried, but maybe they never would get it out of their systems. Somehow they kept winding up together even when they weren’t actually together. Then Bobby looked at him like he was the one at fault here. “Quit looking at me like that, Bobby. We’re both adults, and you’re the one who was telling me to hit on her last night. Or don’t you remember your heart-to-heart attempt?”  
Bobby did remember. He’d said a little too much at the time. “That wasn’t a heart-to-heart, or the part you were supposed to listen to, Dean.”  
Clearing her throat, Manda raised a curious brow, shooting a serious glare between both men. “Hello, right here. Bobby did what now last night?”  
“Nothing,” both Dean and Bobby muttered quickly as they looked from her to each other, both not wanting to step in that one.  
Watching in amusement, Sam saw Dean now pushed himself away from the counter and hid behind his mug while Bobby had started wheeling himself into the library now like both knew they’d be in trouble with her.  
“Uh-huh… if that’s the story, Bobby.” She gave him her best no nonsense look. “Guess now’s a good time to tell you I need to do laundry here since I was out of clean clothes yesterday. You could probably use a solid meal tonight, and I brought that book of my granddad’s you wanted and need to pick your brain on some of what I noticed in it, too.”  
Trying hard to stifle his chuckle, Dean saw the way she looked at the older hunter. He knew that look well; it said she wasn’t having any bullshit with it.  
Bobby scoffed. “Quit strummin’ a tune, Mandolin Chambers. I ain’t slow. Figured you and lover boy here were sticking around again today.”  
“Mandolin?” Both Sam and Dean asked out loud, looking from Bobby to the female hunter.  
“Like the instrument?” Sam inquired.  
Dean peered at her. “One of you wanna explain?”  
Manda groaned. “Goddamn you, Singer. How the hell did you remember that? Knew I should have let that werewolf have you for a chew toy when I was fourteen and you were helping us take out that pack.”  
“Didn’t you idjits ever wonder why her name is Manda, not something like Mandy or Amanda? She was sort of named for the cursed mandolin her parents met over. So that’s what they’d call her and say when she was being a smartass or working an angle of some sort. And you lucked out with that shot, girl. I had that cub in my sights, was just giving him a second to think he was making it out alive.”  
“Think you know most things about a girl…” Dean pressed his lips together, thought about it, was about to say something and caught her look. He just smirked then, the teasing could happen later.  
Sam looked at Bobby a little funny. He knew the two hunters had their own history when Bobby had known her family a little longer than his but it wasn’t like any stories were ever shared. It had him interested now. “So Manda saved you from a werewolf, Bobby? At fourteen?”  
“It was a lucky shot,” Bobby grumbled. “Okay, you kids can play house here for one more day, but this damned Apocalypse won’t stop itself. Don’t use my panic room to hook up again. Do your damn laundry, work on your car or whatever sorry excuse you had, and goddamn it, get rid of those stupid grins you’re both wearing.”  
“Lucky shot? You know the only shots I miss are the ones I’m trying to. So, Sam, ask him to tell you that story since he’s dredging up the past to give me hell.” Manda headed over to Dean, pecked his cheek just to rile Bobby now. “Dibs on the shower, Dean. Thanks for the stupid grin.” She stalked off with her coffee.  
“Don’t mention it... Mandolin.” Dean teased her.  
Chuckling, Bobby tossed an expressive look at Dean. “Should have let me hitch you and that pain in the ass last night.”  
Groaning, Dean shook his head. “So, tell us this story about how Manda saved your ass, Bobby.”  
“Yeah, tell us. It wasn’t a lucky shot, was it?” Sam sort of knowingly looked at the older hunter.  
“I could tell you a few about that girl... And she didn’t save my ass that night, well, she did, so no, it wasn’t just a lucky shot. But don’t either of you damned well tell her I said that...”

[ - ]

Spending some time apart that day much to the amusement of Sam and Bobby, it seemed that a little luck, or at least a little happenstance seemed to be working in their favour when nothing appeared to be going wrong aside from abandoning their pleasurable tryst that morning.  
By the mid-afternoon Manda headed into town with her laundry wanting to get it all done at once before picking up more beer and the things she needed to make them all a decent meal later.  
Dean had gotten a few stories about Manda out of Bobby over breakfast. Then he spent a little time going over the next possible case with Sam before getting to work on the car and then starting on the task of making salt and silver rounds.  
It was once Manda was finished shopping, and she was just a few steps out of the door that something finally gave. An older woman bumped into her, grabbing a hard hold of her by the arm.  
“You were brought back to him for a reason the night you died,” the woman uttered, staring at her with wide, feral eyes.  
_What the…_ Pulling back her arm and making sure she now had a hold of this stranger’s arm instead, Manda made sure her mother’s iron ring with the symbols on it was touching the woman’s skin just to rule out a few possibilities. She watched, waiting for a reaction, ready to just drop the few bags in her hand. “Excuse me?”  
The woman smiled a little strangely, tipping her head. “You passed the test. Your path was set. It’s all in motion now.”  
_Okay, is she just a friggin’ wacky human?_ “Who are you?” Manda asked, a hard tone taking over. She tightened her grip on the woman now. “And what the hell does that mean?”  
The woman shrugged out of her hold, and started walking away. “Your choice. But know when you choose one, you have to lose one.”  
Wanting so badly to draw her gun from the inside pocket of her jacket, Manda held off since she couldn’t exactly do that in public without causing a problem. While she wanted to chase after whoever this strange woman was, she just felt frozen on the spot as the thoughts spun in her mind. _Him? That night? A reason? What's in motion? Choose and lose what?_  
“Crazy old bat’s been here on and off all week making customers uncomfortable. Keeps spewing some sort of holy talk or riddles at people, scaring them away.” A man’s voice said as he approached her out of the corner of her eye. “Ma’am, are you alright? Should I call the Sheriff?”  
“Yeah… no, it’s okay.” Shaking out of her daze, Manda looked to see who was now talking to her. He had a name tag on his shirt, and she’d just seen him in the store behind the cash register. “She’s been here all week doing the same thing to random people? Nothing else?”  
“Yeah, just keeps rattling off weird stuff at people. I’ve had the Sheriff come out a few times to deal with her, but she keeps coming back. So if you’re sure you’re okay, I kind of need to head back in…”  
“Oh, yeah, it’s all right. Thank you, though.” Manda nodded at him with a convincing smile. She continued heading to her car then, wondering what had just happened and feeling a little disturbed by what was said in the encounter. Some of it made no sense, but she knew without any doubt who the mentioned him was and what night that had been. It was the night the demon had briefly killed her, and she had died in Dean’s arms. _Poker face when you get back, Chambers. It’s nothing, get it together..._

[ - ]

It was early evening, and everyone had finished eating the dinner Manda had made. Bobby was on the phone in the library talking to another hunter he knew. Sam was helping Manda clean up, and Dean was just sitting there watching while nursing a beer, wondering what had changed.  
Manda had kept herself busy upon her return, and something seemed off about her. Dean wasn’t sure what had happened in the few hours she’d been gone, but something obviously had. The grin from that morning was gone, and while she seemed like herself, he saw through the act some of it now was. He thought maybe she was just tired, but he’d caught her absently rubbing at her mom’s ring a few times which was the usual tell that something was troubling her. Sam was also trying to talk to her as they cleaned up the kitchen and she seemed a little distracted.  
“Thanks again, Manda,” Sam said, putting away the last of the clean plates. “Been awhile since we’ve had a proper home cooked meal. It was great.”  
“It was,” Dean threw in, patting his stomach with appreciation. “I’m stuffed.”  
Sam looked at his brother a little funny. “You did have seconds and then pie, Dean.”  
“So what? It was good.” Dean smirked, giving his brother a look that told him to get lost for a minute as he stood up.  
Manda nodded as she stood at the sink washing out a pot. “Glad you guys enjoyed it.”  
Taking the hint, Sam just walked away, deciding he’d busy himself with a book or see if Bobby was done his phone call.  
Heading over to her, Dean leaned back against the counter beside her. “It was delicious, Manda, and I know you got the pie just for me. Thanks.” A wide grin spread across his face.  
She gave him a small smile, put the pot aside, and dried off her hands. “Of course.”  
“So you’ve been a little quiet since you got back.” He searched her face, noting she avoided meeting his eyes. “What’s up?”  
“Nothing,” Manda uttered, walking towards the fridge for a beer now.  
Dean grabbed her gently by the wrist as she went to walk past him. “Try again. I haven’t stopped being able to read you either.”  
“I know you haven’t. But it’s nothing, really.” She pulled herself free, continued on her way, and got a beer. She twisted off the top, took a sip before turning around. “Some woman bumped into me when I came out of the store. Said some weird things. Kind of threw me for a loop. That’s all.”  
Dean stood up straight, cocked a brow, looking at her curiously. “What kind of weird? Our kind of weird or just the usual falls under normal random variety?”  
“I’m not sure.” Manda sighed, heading back towards the table to sit.  
He stopped her by holding out his arm so she couldn’t just walk past him. “Chambers, just for once don’t do that thing where you keep it to yourself. It’s clearly bugging you, so talk to me.”  
She stopped, rolled her eyes at him. “I think it was just the normal kind of weird, but some of what she said, Dean… look, it’s silly. I’m just paying it too much mind. It’s probably nothing.” She turned around then and headed out of the kitchen.  
Following her, Dean caught up quickly. “I’m not buying that. It’s got you bothered. So what exactly did she say to you?”  
Manda stopped where she was, took a healthy sip of her beer. “Nonsense mostly, except the first part.” She turned around and faced him. She let her eyes meet his now. “She said I was brought back to him for a reason the night I died,” she paused, giving him an obvious look. “But then it was like the normal bag of crazy… said that I passed some test, my path was set, it’s all in motion. It’s my choice, but if I choose one, I have to lose one. Whatever that shit means.”  
_No..._ Dean stared at her oddly for a moment, thinking it over. It was possible this was their kind of weird. Alarm bells were sounding off in his head as his mind had already connected the first bit, and that he was the one she’d been brought back to that night. One night he’d never forget, the one where Manda had died in his arms thanks to the demon that had killed her parents, had also left the scars on her back, possessed her, and been linked to her by the scars she still had. She should have been dead that night, and she had been for a few minutes. He had been the one to find her pulse after the paramedics had tried to revive her and one of them had called it. Yet somehow she had survived, and he had never been sure how, but now hearing this had him wondering if it had been luck, fate, or something else. It also had him worried, because if it was the case, then what reason had she been brought back for? “Did you...”  
“I touched her skin with my mom’s ring, Dean… nothing. Between the iron and the symbols on it, something should have reacted. Holy water was in the car. Couldn’t exactly fire a round of salt or silver at her in the middle of the day in the parking lot either.”  
His look said she was right. “No, guess not.” He paused, thinking about it for a second. “Think she might have been the winged type... an angel?”  
Manda shook her head, sighed deeply. It had crossed her mind but it seemed unlikely. “How would I know? And why would one bother with me?”  
_Because, you stubborn ass woman, I still love you. You must know that, and those bastards probably do too and won’t hesitate to use it..._ All of it just wasn’t sitting right with Dean now as things kept swirling around in his head. “You know why. Because of me. Goddamn it, I should call Cass.”  
“No need,” her voice got a little louder. “The manager told me she’d been around all week scaring people off with all sorts of holy talk and riddles. He had the sheriff come out a few times even, so she’s probably just the normal kind of weird and usual crazy, Winchester. We’re not the only ones seeing signs of the Apocalypse, you know. Preachers of all sorts, even the not-so-sane ones are going on about it these days.”  
Dean got a step closer to her. “Manda… half of it makes sense. I’m obviously the him she mentioned, and that night...” he sighed roughly. “Unless you died some other night with someone else, damn it, I was the one holding you when it happened. You were dead, probably should have stayed that way too because even the doctors couldn’t explain how you pulled through after that kind of beating and the way half your back had been ripped open."  
“You think I don’t know that? They told me more about what was and wasn’t surprising than they told you. How I was lucky I didn’t even end up with any nerve damage. But it’s not like they exactly get medical training for dealing with the way a demon can fillet you from across a room with a flick of the hand and some demonic link it has to you from that, do they?” She quipped, trying to take the seriousness out of it.  
He shot her a hard look. While all that was true, it still had him worried. “I’m calling Cass. He’s got to know something since he’s an angel, or did you forget?”  
“No. But you don’t need to call him over this.” Manda’s tone was now harsh, her voice even louder.  
“Don’t argue with me, Manda. Not on this. If you’re being followed or watched or whatever the hell that was because of me...” Dean raised his voice at her in return.  
Manda scoffed harshly. “Dean, you don’t know…”  
“I know you’re not going to be my cannon fodder, sweetheart.” Dean was just about yelling now as he cut her off. “You want to freakin’ get killed on your own out there by doing the job, fine. But if something thinks it’ll use you to get to me, it’s not happening. And Cass might know what this reason is, or about this path or whatever shit’s in motion. I’m calling him, end of story.”  
Sam came up behind them to see what was going on. His brother was clearly getting angry. “Dean, what’s going on?”  
“What the hell’s all this racket about?” Bobby asked, coming up in his wheelchair alongside Sam.  
Dean stormed past them as he pulled out his phone. “Ask her.”  
“He’s overreacting,” Manda said with a hard tone, looking at Sam and Bobby.  
“Like hell I am,” Dean shouted back.  
Sam looked at Manda. “What’s this about? Why’s he calling Cass?”  
Bobby gave her a look that said he was waiting for the explanation.  
Sighing, Manda told both of them what had happened to her earlier and how Dean now wanted to call Castiel because of that and whatever other reason he seemed to think he needed to.  
Bobby mulled it over. “Dean’s got a point, Manda… but look, I’m friendly with the sheriff. Let me call over there, find out what’s been happening over at the store with this woman and see if there’s more to it.” He began wheeling himself back to his library then.  
Sam stood there thinking about it as he looked at her in wonder. “Maybe you should humour my brother? Not just for his sake, but yours too. I mean, it all sort of makes sense. At least the part about that night doesn’t seem like a coincidence or a lucky guess. Could be something, and it could be nothing, but Dean’s just trying to look out for you. You know how he gets.”  
Manda closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. “Yeah… just try to talk to some sense into him, Sam. Let Bobby find out what the sheriff thought first. Maybe that woman’s just batshit crazy and slightly psychic, nothing more.” She walked over to the front door. “But I’m going outside for some air now or I might kick your brother soon.”  
Sam smirked at her knowingly. “I know the feeling. I’ll talk to him, but don’t be surprised if Castiel shows up anyway.”  
“Awesome…” Manda muttered sarcastically, as she headed out the door, slamming it behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will try to the next one up as soon as possible. It'll be a chapter I never intended to write, but the story goes where it goes as you work on it, right?  
> If you're waiting for it, by all means let me know, or at least let me know what you don't like about this one. Like if it was wrong to pick these stories back up after so many years? I wonder... or maybe if I should have kept them over at fanfiction?  
> Input welcome.  
> Thanks!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, a new chapter that I have worked on and edited plenty since the last one was posted. Not sure it's the way I wanted it to go or am completely happy with it, but this is where it went, and I hope anyone reading likes it. Since this was one part I never intended to write for this story, it may fall flat. Wrote a little bit into a corner for the next one that will now need a smooth transition to what other part that was written and I want to keep from years ago.  
> And while Castiel is not my character, as always I hope I haven't butchered him here.  
> Okay, enough... if you've been reading, liking, and enjoying it, or waiting for it - here you go.

Going to find Dean, Sam saw him in between the kitchen and the library with his arms folded in front of him trying to listen in on Bobby’s phone call. “Call Castiel yet?”  
“Bobby smacked me before I could. Told me to wait while he made a call first.” Dean turned around, looking at his brother slightly annoyed. “But you heard what she said, Sammy. I’m not overreacting on this.”  
Stopping where he was, Sam gave Dean an interesting glance. His brother was worried. “Maybe a little, Dean. While it’s possible there’s truth to some of it, like that first bit, there still might be nothing to what this woman said to Manda. Not all psychics register on a sanity chart.”  
With a look that said Sam had to be joking, Dean shook his head. “I’m not. Manda’s the one not taking it seriously like usual. Just being stubborn and acting like it’s nothing.”  
Sam scoffed slightly, giving his brother an unbelievable look. How did Dean not see their likeness in that regard? “Remind you of anyone?”  
Dean’s expression hardened with irritation before he shrugged it off. He knew exactly what his brother was getting at. “Hey, I take things seriously when I need to.”  
Chuckling, Sam shook his head with some disbelief. “Not when it’s been about you, Dean. Look at how you were most of the year before you went to Hell.”  
Dean shot Sam a harsh glare, and then started to pace the kitchen a little. “That was different, and we’re not talking about me. Or maybe we are, because it was me she died on that night. You were there, we worked on her. Then those paramedics did and they said she was dead, but I’m the one who found her pulse after that. Sounds a hell of a lot like Manda was brought back to me that night, Sam.”  
“Think she was?”  
“I don’t know…” Sighing, Dean turned back around to face his brother. “I didn’t then. Always wondered how she survived, though… possible she had a little help with that from up above, isn’t it?”  
“It is. Like how we ended up on that plane. So if that’s the case, you want to know the reason why she was.” Sam knew that was one big question his brother would have if there was any truth to what the woman had said to the female hunter. “And what that has it do with you.”  
Dean’s nod was quick. It was already on his mind, and it was bugging him. The way he saw it, whatever reason Manda had been brought back for probably wasn’t good, not if it had anything to do with him. “Damn right I want to know why. Wouldn’t you? Or what any of the rest of it might mean for her?”  
“Yeah, I would,” Sam admitted. He was curious about it too, and what it might have to do with his brother. “Got any ideas besides thinking this is a ploy to get at you through her? You’re thinking angels, right?”  
Shrugging with a slight knowing look, Dean couldn’t exactly answer beyond that when that was his biggest suspicion. “Could be they’re watching Manda for now or looking for me through her. You have any ideas on it?”  
Sam could only shrug in return. There were plenty of possibilities to choose from, but which ones were right, if there would even be any merit to any of this, he wasn’t sure. “Let’s hear what Bobby has to say when he’s done talking to the sheriff’s department. If you still want to call Castiel on this after that, then we’ll call him to see if he knows anything about how Manda survived that night, if there’s anything real in what this woman said to her. Or maybe he can figure something out with the angel powers he’s still got.”  
Bobby hung up the phone, and kind of cleared his throat then, giving them both a serious look. “Well, boys, sounds like it might be the usual kind of crazy and maybe a little of ours. A few people were quite troubled by their encounters, said that woman somehow knew a thing or two that had happened or was happening to them now. A few more said she was just nuts, muttering incoherent gibberish. Sheriff thinks it’s mostly harmless, but…”  
Dean’s eyes widened at Bobby, wanting him to finish it. “But what?”  
“But the one deputy swore she vanished after turning the corner on them and they couldn’t find her after that. Add in some of the things she said to a few of those folks got them spooked…” Bobby cocked his head a little as he trailed off.  
Sam peered between Dean and Bobby. “What’s your opinion, Bobby?”  
“I trust what I heard from over there. Might be worth lookin’ in to some more, find out if there’s anything to what was said to Manda. Now you know that girl isn’t going to like it much, Dean, but seems to me it’s your call here.” He glanced at the younger hunter, seeing this wasn’t what he had wanted to hear.  
Sam eyed his brother, watching as he rubbed a hand over his face, trying to stuff down whatever worry had surfaced. “Dean?”  
“What?”  
“You’re calling Castiel, right?”  
“Yeah, Sammy. Told you I wasn’t overreacting,” Dean muttered, shaking his head now. This wasn’t at all how he thought this day would end up, and some part of him wished he had let Manda leave that morning instead of getting her to stick around. “But first I better get Manda on board or she’ll be more pissed off at me. She was pissed, right?”  
A goofy smirk was on Sam’s face as he looked at his brother. “Asked you before, remind you of anyone?”  
Bobby chuckled seeing the annoyance on Dean’s face, and nodded in agreement.  
Dean clicked his teeth hard, giving them both a glare. “Just start making a new hex bag to hide her, Sammy,” he uttered out the order with a hard tone. “And stop asking me that. I know how we’re alike…” he trailed off as he walked away and headed outside to find the female hunter. _And that’s why I’m worried. Trouble never stays away from either of us for very long._

[ - ]

Wandering around outside, Dean heard where Manda was before he actually saw her.  
Approaching from behind, he tried to walk as quietly as possible. Small pops of gunfire got louder as he got closer to where she was deeper in the salvage yard. He watched for a moment as she shot every can and bottle in a line off the top of some old junker car in Bobby’s yard, then as she started shooting at more on one behind it. She unloaded the clip from her handgun, filled it with another. More shots went off, and he was only a couple more steps away when she spun around with the handgun pointed right at him.  
“Just me, and I know you’re pissed, but uh, you’re not about to shoot me, are you?” Dean asked with a small smirk on his lips. He hoped she wouldn’t anyway upon seeing the look on her face.  
“Risk of sneaking up on me, jackass,” Manda replied, keeping him in her aim for a moment before thumbing the safety and lowering the gun. “Maybe not. Thought about it once or twice, though.”  
“Ditto, smartass,” Dean countered, taking another two steps closer. His grin turned into a charming one. “But if I was sneaking up on you, Chambers, you know I’m so good that you’d never hear me coming until I was already on you.”  
Manda shook her head with some annoyance, but the twitch of a smile was forming on her face despite it. Like usual, Dean was just trying to lighten things up. “Not in the friggin’ mood, Winchester, so stop it.”  
“What? I’m not doing a goddamn thing but walking here.” He took another step closer to her, the smile widening a little more.  
“Sure, you’re just walking over here working that charm, giving me that adorable smirk and attitude of yours. I know your game.” She lifted her gun and pointed it at him again with a challenging grin. “Play my own version of it too, so maybe I should shoot you, teach you a lesson.”  
Dean took another step closer so he could easily disarm her if he had to. He knew she was kidding but if she wasn’t backing down, neither was he. “Nah, you won’t. You still love me for all that, Mandolin.”  
She shrugged, lowering the gun again before tucking it away inside her jacket. “Love you still or not, call me Mandolin again and I will shoot your ass, Dean.” Her tone was hard, but the small smirk betrayed her.  
“Doubt it… Mandolin,” he chuckled. He took the next step towards her now being right in front of her. “You never stay mad at me for long either, so cut it out.”  
“No, never quite could, but still…” she trailed off, leaning in close, acting like she was about to kiss him. “Bang,” Manda said with a tone just as serious as the look on her face as she used her finger like a gun against the middle of his chest. “Crap, that didn’t work.”  
“Yeah, nice try.” Dean smiled sweetly before he just gave her a soft kiss. She gave into it, and the finger poking his chest quickly dropped before he pulled back on her. “How about we call it even and make up the right way later?”  
She searched his face for a moment seeing him try to lessen the blow. “Let me guess, you’re out here because you’re still calling Castiel and I don’t get a say, right?”  
He nodded, and his smirk disappeared giving way to seriousness. “It’s both kinds of crazy. So just to be on the safe side with everything going on…”  
Manda could read him, he was trying hard to hide it, but he was worried. She was too, had been since it happened. That was part of why she was out here shooting at cans and bottles, trying to put it out of her mind. Part of her just didn’t want to know what it all might mean or might cost at some point. “Bobby agree after talking to the sheriff or whoever?”  
“Said you wouldn’t like it much, if that helps. But it’s my call here, and I’m making it, Manda.” His tone said he meant it as he searched her eyes. “I’m not overreacting either, and you know it.”  
She scoffed, but the protective part of Dean was already giving her that look that said there would be no arguing with him. “And you’re what, worried about what it means for me or for you?”  
Dean knew he had to answer this honestly when he caught her eyeing him curiously. “Both. If you were brought back for a reason that night, and if it was because of me, then I want to know that reason. You must too. It’s not like we’re still together, we might have this…”  
“Knowing that reason might be worse than not knowing,” Manda cut him off. “And we’re not together because of things like whatever this is might happen, and now you’re trying to protect me because...”  
“Because I still love you, you pain in the ass,” he blurted out loud and quickly. “So would you just let me do that the one way I know how to?”  
Smiling with a slight chuckle at how he put it, she turned around to look back at where she’d been shooting before, knowing she was about to give in to him. “Yeah, that much was obvious to me last night, Dean… but okay, fine. You win.” She let out a quiet sigh.  
Coming up beside her, Dean gave her a sidelong glance wondering why she wasn’t putting up more of a fight, but then he saw her rubbing at the ring on her finger again. “I expected more arguing here, but okay. I’m going to call Cass so he can read your mind, use whatever angel mojo he can to find out what’s what. Hell, he can even give you a rib tattoo to hide you from those winged pricks like he did for me and Sam, because if this is them and it’s because of me, they don’t get to find you that easily. That douche Zachariah would torture and kill you a thousand times over or worse, Manda. You’d suffer and he’d do whatever he can to break you until you beg me to say yes or stop it because of how we both still feel… and you won’t beg me. You’ll sacrifice yourself first, I know that much when you already did it once, and I- I can’t let that happen to you.”  
Manda turned her head to look at him, seeing how much he meant it. “Hey, you should already know they can’t find me…” She pulled something out of her jacket pocket and tossed it at him.  
Dean chuckled as he caught it, surprised to see it was the hex bag he’d given her back when they’d actually tried dating. “You still have it?”  
“Bet your ass I do. You did give it me to protect me, so of course I have it. Don’t mistake my stubbornness for stupidity. Kind of like that any demons can’t find me on purpose, and with what you tell me about the other team, I’m kind of glad they can’t exactly do it either.”  
He smiled, because while he knew how she still felt, she had basically admitted she still liked him being protective over her. He reached out and tucked the hex bag back in her jacket pocket. “I’ve got Sam making you a new one right now. Great minds, I guess.”  
Shaking her head, Manda turned back to face him. “I’m not so sure I want Castiel digging around in my melon in front of you guys.”  
“Scared of what I might find out?”  
“Would you want him going through yours in front of me?”  
Pressing his lips together, Dean’s look said she had him there. “I’ll tell him to keep it to only relevant things.” He pulled her to him. “Okay?”  
“Not really. You at least gonna give me a few minutes to prepare for that?” The look she gave asked him to.  
“Yeah, you can have a few minutes. So are we, you know,” he paused, as he put one arm behind her back to bring her a little closer, “all good here?”  
Manda just leaned into him and then let her lips meet his for a light kiss. “Yeah, we’re good for now.”  
Dean smirked before he kissed her harder, and slipped his hand inside her jacket to grab her gun at the same time.  
“What the hell, Dean?” she asked, feeling him take her gun and pushing him back.  
Quickly pushing her aside, and then aiming and firing off a shot that hit a can still standing on the roof of a car, he just gave her a mischievous grin. “You missed one.”  
“Didn’t miss it, show-off. You interrupted by trying to sneak up on me,” Manda groaned with annoyance. Rolling her eyes at him, she took her gun out of his hand with a bit of force, and then started to walk away.  
“Either way, you still missed it,” Dean teased with a hearty laugh as he began following and pulling out his phone to now call Castiel. “And I let you hear me coming as a courtesy, sweetheart,” he lied, rolling his eyes now.

[ - ]

About fifteen minutes later Dean had made his call, explained what he wanted Castiel to do, and was now back inside waiting for the angel to show up and carry it out.  
“Use a door sometime,” Bobby gruffly uttered from the inside the library. “Dean, if you’re looking for that lost mutt of yours, found him.”  
Dean laughed as Castiel walked into the kitchen followed by Bobby in his wheelchair to where he was with Sam and Manda.  
“You lost a dog, Dean?” the angel asked, looking at Dean with wonder.  
Not one of the four hunters could hold in their laughter over the question or the look on Castiel’s face.  
“He means… never mind, Cass.” Dean smirked, still chuckling.  
Castiel looked completely unsure of what was funny to them. And then his eyes landed on Manda.  
“Hello again, Castiel,” Manda said before pouring herself a double shot of bourbon.  
“Hello again, Manda,” Castiel replied. “Dean told me what happened and what he wants me to do. Are you ready yet?”  
_Not at all…_ “Yeah… how are we doing this?” She took a good sip from her glass.  
“Hang on… do you want all of us here for this, Manda? Or just Dean and Cass?” Sam asked.  
Bobby shot Sam a look that told him to shut up. All of them were curious as to what was going to happen or what Castiel might know.  
“Long as he sticks to what’s relevant, she’s good with all of us listening in,” Dean answered for her. “That’s what we agreed on. So you’ll stick to that, right, Cass?”  
“What is relevant could be anything,” Castiel answered honestly.  
“Great, nothing’s off the damn table then,” Manda muttered. “You can all stay. So, Castiel, does this work like a psychic reading?”  
“A little, you can stay sitting and I’ll just start looking for, as Dean said, what’s relevant.” Castiel walked over and sat across from her and Dean.  
Dean looked at her out of the corner of his eye, and then put his hand on her knee under the table. “I’m asking questions. Good to go?”  
Manda took another sip and finished her drink. “Best get on with it.”  
“You heard the girl, Castiel,” Bobby chuckled. “Dean did tell you what was said to her, right?”  
“He did. Now let me see what’s in her mind.” Castiel let his eyes search deep into Manda’s as he seemed to be looking inside her mind now. “That was not an angel you met, not a prophet either, but still a messenger. A devout believer with a psychic gift, and a message she had to deliver once she saw you. Interesting… ”  
Some relief washed over Dean briefly until he had heard the last word. “What’s interesting?”  
“The night in question. Manda Chambers was on our radar back then because of her connection to you, Dean. We were aware you two were…” he paused, “and you still are…”  
“Involved,” Manda offered the word with a half-smile, seeing how Castiel now awkwardly dropped her gaze.  
“Yes, that’s a good way to describe it,” Castiel replied.  
Dean kind of smirked at the angel then, seeing some small discomfort in him. “I’ve already had the sex talk with you, Cass… but okay, not the point. The night Manda died?”  
“Even with you there that night there were orders not to interfere with the situation, to stay away. I followed the orders I was given. That demon only wanted her dead, not you, Dean.”  
Each hunter sort of looked at each other and Castiel with some slight wonder.  
“Orders…” She harshly bit the word out. “I died.”  
“From who?” Dean quickly asked.  
Castiel had started holding the female hunter’s gaze again to begin combing her mind more deeply. “You were supposed to die that night. I was told the orders came from my father, but now know the archangels were probably giving them. Either one or the other brought you back that night.”  
_Told you it might be worse knowing, Dean…_ Manda scoffed, just closed her eyes for a few seconds as she tried processing it.  
Bobby let out a whistle.  
Sam traded a brief look with his brother, knowing this wasn’t going to go over well with him.  
Dean’s face registered the confusion, but also anger. “What?” he snapped. “I watched Manda get beaten to the last inch of her life and then almost had to kill her myself before the damage that son of a bitch did it anyway. But you’re telling me either the All-Mighty or one of those asshat archangels wanted that to happen just so they could bring her back after it, Cass? What friggin’ purpose does that serve? Don’t give me that bull about that just being God’s way or that it was a test either.”  
“I don’t know, Dean,” Castiel answered. “Angels don’t question their orders, and I wasn’t ready to disobey then.”  
“Yeah…” Dean grunted harshly. “Just obeyed like a good little puppy without the perk of ever getting a Scooby Snack.”  
Manda just absently poured another shot in her glass and another that she slid in front of Dean. She downed hers quickly. “Enough, Dean. Drink the shot and let Castiel finish doing what you asked him to do. What you talked me into doing.”  
Her tone had been the one that said not to argue, and as much as he wanted to, he had asked it of the angel, and of her. “Fine. So, was she brought back to me for a reason like this messenger said?” Dean asked. He raised his glass and took a sip.  
Castiel was now digging through everything he could to analyze the female hunter and things she’d seen or been through. What was relevant and what wasn’t just wasn’t exactly clear to him. She was incredibly guilt ridden, full of so much pain she could never rid herself of, and exhausted of the life she was living because she of how much she had lost to it, might still lose to it. It was obvious to him that Manda was a lot like his human friend, but she was also deeply worried for and about Dean Winchester. She was more worried about him than she was herself. It was also apparent to him how much she loved Dean, and why she did. He found it curious that the two hunters had been attracted to each other given their likenesses, and how similar their lives were, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe that had been the plan all along. He knew it could be. But for what, he wasn’t sure when that answer wasn’t in her mind as he went through everything in her mind between her and Dean.  
“It’s possible it was for you, Dean. But I’m unable to see that. She bears nothing of it in her mind that I can find.”  
Manda just stared back at the angel. “And no reason why then, Castiel?”  
“I’m not sure. You were brought back for something. A role to play. Your own destiny. They would have had a reason to do it, and maybe it has to do with Dean. Sacrifice can be a test. You were ready to die for him that night. You would again if you had to… you love him.”  
“Yes,” she answered without hesitation, unable to somehow stop from just saying it.  
The look on Dean’s face turned a little serious. “So what?”  
“It’s how she feels about you…” the angel trailed off, looking to Dean then. “And how you still feel about her…”  
“Stay the hell out of my freakin’ head, Cass,” Dean’s tone was harsh. “You’re not allowed to flap around in there.”  
Manda let out a strangled chuckle. “Oh sure, he can have full access to mine, but yours is off limits.”  
Sam let out a laugh. “How you feel about Manda’s not exactly a secret, Dean… least not to anyone here.”  
“Sam’s right on that one,” Bobby weighed in.  
Dean let them both have a hard glare knowing they were right, and then downed the rest of his shot.  
“Do you know anything about the rest of what she said to me?” Manda asked, ignoring the other hunters.  
“Maybe. There was something that set you on a path to here, and it led you to Dean. The night you were sent by yourself to go after a vampire, and where your boyfriend…” Castiel was able to see that in her mind. How that one event had been able to bring her to this point.  
“Tyler,” Manda cut him off by whispering out the name with a painful and soft tone.  
Castiel saw all the guilt and the heartache she held from that night in her mind. “Tyler’s death wasn’t your fault, Manda. There was nothing you could have done to save him. He was dying, and he forgave you for helping end his pain.”  
Dean’s eyes widened at the revelation. He knew the story of when Manda had been seventeen she’d been sent on her first solo hunt and let her boyfriend come along only to watch him be ripped apart by the lone vampire she was supposed to take out. What he hadn’t known was that she apparently must have played a role in his final minute. She’d never even said his name to Dean before, not as far as he could remember, and now he knew why. “Shit, Manda, you never said…” _That you had to do that at that age. Aw, baby, not sure I’d have been able to do that then myself…_  
A tear rolled down her cheek. “That I couldn’t watch him go through five more minutes of gasping and gurgling on his own blood while trying to hold his neck together. You want to know how I told him I was sorry, that I loved him, and then let go to watch him bleed out in seconds while holding his head in my lap. No, Dean, I didn’t say. It was my fault he was there, and having to do that… it broke me. And what it led to after that broke me even more.”  
Bobby wheeled over and poured her another shot without question. “It was a mercy, girl. There was no way that boy would’ve survived it. Your folks told me as much two days later.” He pushed the glass at her.  
Manda just bit down the tears, looked at the older the hunter. “Yeah, and then I got them killed, Bobby.” She picked up the glass and raised it at him before taking a sip.  
Bobby wheeled away with the bottle of scotch to pour his own now. “Told you back then, ain’t your fault, kid. Just that son of a bitch demon’s doing.”  
Placing his hand on her leg and giving it a gentle squeeze, Dean just didn’t know what else to do for Manda then. “So, Cass, is there anything else?”  
“There will be truth to what this messenger said or else she wouldn’t have said it. You were right to call me. She needs to be hidden just like you and Sam. Just like I was, Zachariah was aware of Manda’s connection to you before. If he knows you’re still… involved and how you feel, Dean, he’ll use it to get to you.”  
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Dean sighed. “Cass can burn that tattoo into your ribs before he goes, right, Chambers?”  
Nodding, Manda just closed her eyes.  
“Hey, Cass, if it has anything to do with Dean, would Chuck know about it?” Sam posed the question. He’d been thinking it over as he listened, wondering what the prophet might know.  
Castiel looked at the younger Winchester then. “He may, Sam. I will find him and see what he knows when I leave here. So if Manda doesn’t mind, I’d like to mark her with the sigil now.”  
“Go on,” Manda answered, standing up and walking away from the table a bit. “Get it over with, and then stay out of my goddamn head for good, Cass.” Her tone was hard and cold.  
Looking at her, then at Castiel, Dean just sort of chuckled. “Do it.”  
Standing up and going over to her, the angel just read her mind as he looked at her briefly. She meant what she said, that much was loud and clear. He put a hand awkwardly on her chest after a second to carve the Enochian sigil into her ribs to hide her from all angels into her ribs.  
Manda’s eyes widened and then she felt the burning deep in her ribs. “One of you could have warned me angel groping feels like heartburn times a thousand.”  
“Yeah… sorry.” Dean got up and kind of smirked at her. There was some relief in him now that she was permanently hidden from Zachariah and any other angel including Castiel.  
Castiel removed his hand when he was done, and then he just looked at her again a little oddly. “As Sam suggested, I’d like to see Chuck and then let you know what I find. Dean...”  
“Go,” Dean said. “Thanks, Cass.”  
“Yeah, thanks, that was real fun,” Manda muttered, walking out of the room then.  
Castiel nodded before he just vanished and left the three male hunters looking between each other.  
Sam looked at Dean. “Well, that was…”  
“Helpful,” Dean sarcastically finished the sentence.  
“Yeah, for who?” Bobby muttered, taking a sip of scotch.  
“I know, Bobby,” Dean snapped, rubbed a hand over his face. “But at least she’s hidden for good now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All input welcome and appreciated on this one. Was it weak? Should Castiel have known something more? Should he find out more? I don't know... Ahhhhh! Will try to get up another chapter soon, hopefully.  
> Thanks for reading!


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